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'Copters cost "just peanuts"

Public relations with the Airforce

"Go down to Defence Headquarters and find out the cost of running the R.N.Z.A.F. helicopters at Harewood", said the Editors. "Say we're gathering information for a story about the wonderful role of the armed services or something. Who knows we might even run a story tike that anyway — they're certainly doing a great job helping to protect the Yanks' bases down in Christchurch".

We."Salient" reporters obey without question. Pausing only to borrow the caretaker's tie and the typist's clean handkerchief I set off immediately. Ten minutes later I was in the airforce public relations office politely refusing a Rothmans cigarette from the "spokesman for the Defence Department". I offered the role-of-the-airforce line to be immediately shot down in flames.

"You want to know how much the helicopters cost to run at the demonstration, don't you" said the spokesman. I agreed that this information could possibly be useful for the article. He laughed a sort of military laugh. "These costs are just peanuts you know. Just peanuts". He laughed a bit more and then moved in to consolidate this successful offensive.

"Now I don't quite grasp this theme of yours at all you know. I work with papers all the time, and your approach is confusing". He puffed at his South African tobacco. "Now when papers come to get a story about, well about our search and rescue work for instance . . .

Miserably I sat through a speech of glowing praise about the wonderful search and rescue work that the airforce apparently did so much of. Perhaps I would never find out the cost of the wretched helicopters and be sacked from my job to starve in the streets. Perhaps I'd even be driven to join the airforce, and fly for years and years in a chopper, like a latterday Ancient Mariner. Perhaps . . .

"And then, of course, the new Labour Government's policy on Seato ..." Seato! Chance of redemption?! I interrupted his discourse. "Could you tell me what your personal reaction was to this?" He cleared his throat a couple of times to give himself time to remember the standard airforce answer.

"Well, this is a Democracy". Impressive pause. "The new policy was the decision of the elected representatives of the people". Something clicked in my social democratic indoctrinated brain.

"With referance to the demonstration you mentioned earlier, Mr Faulkner said in the House that if New Zealand troops were used against New Zealanders he would resign. People claim that airforce personnel were used at Harewood. What do you think about that?"

"If you read what Mr Faulkner said", replied the spokesman, "you'll find he mentioned this in connection with the tour, not as a general thing". (In fact Mr Faulkner said "... I will not see New Zealand soldiers committed to bashing other New Zealanders on the rugby field or anywhere else",N.Z.P.D., First Session, Thirty-seventh Parliament, 1973, p. 29 — Eds)

Time was getting on. A huge picture of a helicopter on the wall fluttered mockingly in its frame, at a cost of "just peanuts". How many peanuts? I poised my ballpoint and suddenly interrupted the continued search and rescue saga in a high pitched voice I did not recognise as my own.

"Is the running cost of the helicopters secret information? If not, can you tell me what it is please?"

"The Iriquois costs $120 and the Sioux $40, per flying hour, without labour and aircrew", conceded the spokesman. The-role-of-the-airforce questions were obviously finished but the spokesman and I were both civilised human beings. We played out the farce to its end. He proffered a copy of the Department's annual report for our article and I thanked him so much and said it would be very useful.

"What's your name", I asked him at the door. "[unclear: Griffiths]", he said. "But report me as a spokesman for the Department". Was this a regulation? He gave what might in the airforce be called a smile.

"No, it's not a regulation. It's just the way I like to operate".

— Don Franks