J.C. Calls A Halt

There are strong indications that the Jesus Festival planned for Wellington this weekend will have to be called off, according to local anthologists.

One veteran stargazer told Salient that he had seen "signs in the sky quite unparalleled since the Flood."

"Such astrological movements can mean only one thing: and that's a divine message", he added. "God and his Angels must be annoyed about something and they mean business".

Salient's meteorological reporter said last night that the peculiar and turbulent signs in the night sky are occurring only over the lower North Island of New Zealand.

Telephoned earlier this morning in Rome, a Vatican spokesman denied any Papal responsibility for the stellar disturbances.

And the Soviet and American embassies in Wellington have stated that their Governments are completely innocent of any interference.

All the signs point to heaven. Some theological observers in Wellington say that God must be quite plainly displeased with the Jesus Festival.

Our meteorological reporter also says that Wellington is long overdue for a big earthquake.

Perhaps the Lord will hit Wellington all sides. Innocent citizens lives are at stake. There is only one responsible move the organisers of the Jesus Festival can take. And that's to call their festival off.

Hundreds may be disappointed. But not as disappointed as the survivors may be when they bury their innocent relatives.