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Salient. Victoria University Student Newspaper. Vol 35 no. 19. 3rd August 1972

I Want a Wife!

page 17

I Want a Wife!

You shouldn't feel kept cartoon

I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am a wife, and not altogether incidentally, I am a Mother. It suddenly occured to me the other day, that I too would like to have a wife. And Why do I want a wife? I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independant, support myself, and if need be, support those dependant on me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school, I want a wife who will take care of my children. I want a wife to keep track of the childrens doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who is a good nurturant attendant to my children, arranges for their schooling, makes sure they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park and the zoo etc., I want a wife who takes care of my children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when they need special care, because of course I cannot miss my work. My wife must arrange to lose time at work but not lose her job. It may mean a small cut in my wifes income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of my children while she is working.

I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will keep the house clean. A wife who will pick up after the children and me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended and replaced when need be. And who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it I want a wife who is a Good cook, who also cooks good meals. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up, while I read my newspaper. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathise with my pain and loss of time from work. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when 1 need a rest and a change of scene.

I want a wife who will not bother me with complaints about a wife's duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point in the course of my work. And I want a wife who will type my notes when I have written them.

I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. When my wife and I are invited out by my friends I want a wife who will take care of the baby sitting arrangements. When I meet people at work that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean - will prepare and serve a special meal for me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about the things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have the children fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. I want a wife who takes care of the needs of my guests so that they feel comfortable, who makes sure they have an ashtray, that they are passed the hors d'ouvres that they are offered a second helping of their food and that their wine glasses are replenished, and that their coffee is served as they like it..... And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.

I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied, and of course I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control because I do not want more children and a vasectomy would affect my masculinity and virility. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who will definitely understand that My sexual needs may entail more than strict adherance to monogamy. I must after-all be able to relate to people as fully as possible.

If, by any chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the present wife I already have - then I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another wife. Naturally I will expect a fresh new life. My wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am free.

When I am through studying and have acquired the job I want, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that she can more fully and completely take care of a wifes duties.

My God!!......Who Wouldn't want a wife?