Pauline looked across at Dr. Peter Schofield, hit white smile illuminating the operating theatre, both with light and confidence. A small flutter wavered in her heart, welled up, and came forth as a sigh. Peter looked over, flashed her a smile and returned to work. Slowly the miracle of birth unfolded before them and Pauline felt the lump in her throat tighten. At last the baby was of the world hanging by an ankle, half-way between life and death. A moment passed without a sound. Schofield looked at the young child, shrugged and gave it a hearty slap on its bottom. Without warning the baby lurched up, looked the doctor in the eye and snarled....."What's the matter, ya bastard, can't you give a man time to marshall his thoughts?".

Timothy Richard Shadbolt has never looked back.

"Would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?" That depends a good deal on where you want to go to" said the cat.

The Court: You are charged on this 21st of March you did use indecent language in a public place, namely Albert Park, to which you pleaded not guilty. Is that correct?

The Defendant: Yes.

The Court: You may sit down and you probably know the form.

In our very fine system of justice one of the major principles of law is that your previous court appearances can't be revealed until you are found guilty. Every man is innocent until proven guilty. So when (Blip) said 'You probably know the form' he was saying — Shadbolt, you have appeared in court before. You're a guilty man. I had been judged a criminal before I sat down.

A good magistrate is one who doesn't get too deeply involved in the battle between defence and prosecution. (Blip) my case on about eighty different occasions. It was like playing a game of rugby and getting penalised eighty times, when the other side doesn't get penalised at all. That sort of thing doesn't happen too often in rugby but it happens every day in court.

The Prosecutor Calls Helen Claire Bowsfield (Sworn)

The Prosecutor: I believe your full name It Helen Claire Bowsfield and you reside at Flat 9, Ash ton Road, Mount Eden?... Yes. And your occupation?... Nurse aid. These words when they were used, did they have any effect on you?... Yes.

What effect?... They offended me.

Thank you.

Transcript of Trial

9 July 1971

They've fined me a hundred dollars and now they don't want to put me in jail and every-time I get a press report I say "And I'm just on the verge of going into jail" and I haven't heard a Word from them. Y'know, when I was in court they said you've got two weeks to pay this or we'll take Immediate and Prompt and Instant Action, and that was about four months ago and I've been standing around yelling ever since "I'm On the Verge" and 'They'll Put me in Jail Soon", but I think it's the last thing they want to do because the last time I was in Mt. Eden there was a riot two weeks later and they all thought it was my fault -they're so horrified about lefties - I think all they do is moan about the food but they see it as a real deep seated political rebellion inspired by left-wing commies.

Tim Shadbolt

- Earwig No.6 -

"I know not whether laws be right,
or whethers laws be wrong;
All that we know who be in gao!
Is that the wall is strong."

Oscar Wilde

Ballad of Beading Gaol

Brian Edwards' Friend The Policeman -

The courts are tempting the police to smash a guy in the guts until he confesses. Society can scream indignantly 'Prove it', but I don't intend to prove here that cops assault people at Central to gain confessions. I know it happens, the cops know it happens, anyone who's been involved with crime knows it happens. Only the stupid, the ignorant and the magistrates say that it doesn't, and even they sometimes comment on the truth.

Tim Shadbolt

- Bullshit & Jellybeans -

"They told me they were going to Mount Eden but drove me to Central. When I protested they just laughed. I told them I wanted, to ring my lawyer and they told me to "Shut up — or we'll shut you up". Detectives (Blip) (Blip) got me into this small room and started questioning. I refused to even open my mouth. (Blip) threw the first punch I told him I hadn't been charged with anything and they had no right to hold me (Blip) had his sleeves rolled up: he punched and questioned, punched and questioned while (Blip) held me in the chair. Then they dragged me against the wall and really started hammering; I tried to keep standing but I was going dizzy — my guts were screaming for mercy and I was winded. As I fell one grabbed me by the hair and I felt a rabbit killer. You bastards, I hope you're proud of yourselves. (Blip) had me in an armlock and was stretching me out so that I couldn't buckle (Blip) was punching me in the guts and slapping hard, vicious belts around the head. They had me on the floor now and an old wound on my arm opened up. "By the time we've finished with you, you'll crawl out of here Bower". When I came to Hutton was sitting beside me. He was really nice to me and said he was sorry and that he didn't want to see me hurt. This is an old police trick and I told him nothing".

John Bower

Bullshit & Jellybeans

From the Publisher

The libel and defamation laws in this country are so ill-defined and protective of the status quo and lawyers so much in disagreement about what may constitute defamation that we've had a hard job deciding what to do We do know that the courts would be hard on author, publisher and printer of this book if they had half a chance. We don't want to give them that chance, nor pay out thousands to conservative members of the establishment. So, where it is possible that a judge of our Supreme Court could direct a jury that a passage may possibly have a defamatory meaning, we have inserted a . You may call it playing safe, we just want to publish more books like this, while creating an environment in which the laws of defamation, libel and contempt of court may be liberalised.

Where a passage may possibly be construed as obscene, we have inserted a . but you will note that this Is used sparingly and we fully expect to be taken to the Indecent Publications Tribunal anyway.

Publisher's note

- Bullshit & Jellybeans -

"Jack and Jill went up the hill
to (Bleep)
Jack (Bleep)
And broke his (Bleep)
And Jill came tumbling after"

"Jack and Jill went up the hill
to (Bleep)
Jack (Bleep)
And broke his (Bleep)
And Jill came tumbling after"

Nursery Rhyme

Traditional

"It is a joke. It may not be a very good joke, but I maintain that even the funniest joke in the world, after you (the prosecutor) had finished with it, would not be very funny. The sexual part is of little importance."

"Of little importance?" asked the Prosecutor "The sexual part is of little importance," repeated the witness. "The main point about it is that Rupert Bear is behaving in a way one would not expect a little bear to behave."

"Yes," said the prosecutor "But what sort of age would you think Rupert is to your mind; what sort of aged bear"

Witness:- "Oh I'm very sorry, I'm not up to date with bears".

The Or Trial

Tony Palmer

Jack/and what happened in the end, who took it?

Tim/ none of them, we sort of had to do it ourselves, just a young guy - he's really just a sort of editor, he's doing it, and a few other people and myself, mostly a Wellington group, under Alister Taylor.

John/ you know Jack, we find there's far more censorship by publishers and printers than by the Tribunal.

Tim/yeahhh, believe it or not even typesetters will damp down - we had that problem. These typesetters got hold of the text and they kept it for 10 days and then said they wouldn't do it. You see why Hoffman has got all disillusioned and cut his hair off, y'know, not that I agree, but you see why you do get disillusioned at times with long-hairs because we went to this typesetting firm place, there were all these reel long haired hips and they say "gidday mann, how ya goin" y'know and "Hi! doin' a book eh man?" and all that, and these really groovy birds and I thought what a terrific place y'know all these young wild kids working here. And they wouldn't do it. Their boss just said "No it's indecent". And they all went "O well you know, that's the way it goes man". O jesus. I said look at you working here, you're just slaves. And we went to another place and they set it and they were corny old doddery men - real conservative short beck and sides and they said yeah, OK, and they are just doing it without any trouble.

Jack / What's it called ?

Tim/"Bullshit and Jellybeans"

Shadbolt interview

Earwig No.6

Judge: What's the problem now?

Leary: Kinky is another word the witness (Richard Neville Editor Oz) doesn't like.

Judge: Which one (advertisement in School Kids Oz) are you looking at now?

Leary: My Lord the one that starts: "The Adults Revue".

Judge: Oh, so sorry. I was looking at Voyeurs, Homosexuals, Lesbians.

Leary: My Lord, sorry. Rubber gear, men dressed as maids, leather gear, all perversions

The Oz Trial Transcript

"Now I'm into my next book. I'm looking forward to receiving lots of letters"

Tim Shadbolt

- Bullshit & Jellybeans -

friendly: Dear Tim,

Hi thought I would drop you a line to tell you I was impressed with your book Bullshit and Jellybeans...

Dear Tim,

I am an "oldie" I suppose by your terms.... and I find your book crystallises in my mind what protests are all about.

freaky:

Dear Tim,

... the end gets closer and at ever Increasing speed. Maybe its already too late. Maybe one can be too cynical and give up hope but maybe 'hope springs eternal in the human brest!...

fantastic!

— your perverted life is an abomination to the name of man.

— Disgusting

— Filth

— You will gain little with your sordid little work...