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Now, you don't Need a "Shrink" to Flush out Karmic Conjestion!

This article was compiled by long-term heads who have not been busted.

Smoking grass is good fun but it won't provide metaphysical insights or spiritual solace. It ain't worth getting busted for.

Being busted is not fun. Junior freaks may get a vicarious thrill from the notoriety involved, but the aim of the game is to enjoy yourself without fucking your life up. In one recent case someone was charged with possession and had to report at Central every night for three months before trial. This gives a lot of screws a chance to get to know what you look like, and its worth remembering that the average screw is not likely to be good chums with the average freak.

Not getting busted is easy enough if you keep strictly to a few simple rules.

Know your dealer. Everyone shits on dealers but they take the risks; the friendly freak who turns everyone on is rich, naive or a cop. This doesn't happen often - puff - but it has happened, right here in your fair capital city. As the gospel spreads it will get more common.

In general, 'ware junkies, especially long-time ones. The most notorious shelfs in the country are uncontrollable hard-heads. This doesn't, of course, apply universally but for the inexperienced it's an obvious precaution. Don't talk to cops, especially the squad. It's part of their tactics to get chummy - We know you turn on but we don't really care as long as you don't make it obvious kind of scene - but it's all bullshit. It's their job to bust people, their promotion depends on it. ("I enjoy my job" - Detective Sergeant Thompson, quoted in Thort earlier this year.)

Never, repeat never, have gear in your house except when you're using it, and then not more than you can eat or otherwise dispose of. Don't expect the squad to knock and wait. Locking doors may be undignified but it would have saved a lot of people we know from getting done. Junior freaks often mumble about paranoia when others want to take precautions, but they're usually the ones who either want to get caught for some private reason, or those who don't give a thought to what it means to get caught. It means a good deal.

The same thing applies to loose talk. When people start turning on it usually goes to their head in more senses than one, but the characteristic look-at-me-I'm-stoned syndrome is no more impressive than a fourth-former who holds the school cider-drinking record. Of course if you're really whacked it can be hard not to show it, but that's a different matter. Cheers.

Points of ettiquette: Don't ask your dealer what he's paid for what he's selling. You wouldn't ask your butcher, and the mark up is probably about the same in most cases. People deal for various reasons but the great majority do it to score for themselves. The non-using pusher is a myth in this country. Dealing is an extremely competitive business, often sordid and getting more and more dangerous, especially in Auckland, where physical tactics and large rip-offs are getting more common all the time. It's a sound rule not to front money before you see what you are buying, but some dealers can be trusted. Find out in advance who they are. If you're buying in ounces you're entitled to a sample, but if you're scoring a matchbox for a night out don't expect it.

Don't talk about your dealer. They don't like it, with good reason. Remember it's a seller's market; if he hears you've been shooting your mouth off he's not going to sell to you again.

Don't carry joints or lumps of hash loose. Wrap it in plastic. Apparently new legislation is due concerning minimum amounts with which you can be charged, so it's a good idea to go through your pockets from time to time getting rid of any small traces. If you are going to pull the old my-flat-mates-have-been-wearing this jacket routine make sure that your story is carefully balanced between the plausible and the nebulous. The best idea is not to tell the cops anything, - you don't have to. Magistrates may mumble about co-operating with the police but what they're really talking about is betraying your friends. No-one is more despised than an authenticated informer.

Don't, repeat don't try and get a fuck out of the grouse neat nifty chick by poking a joint - or stupider still, a trip - into her. Chicks are more likely than males to get strange, especially if they're not used to gear. Chicks are also more likely to talk to the cops. The worst of the lot are boppers. Quite a few really straight lushes we know have been trying this tactic recently, apparently not discouraged by the fact that it seldom works. If anyone deserves to get busted, it's people like these.

Hints to up-and-comin-dealers: Try to be reasonably honest. Don't give the trade a worse name than it has. If you get short measure as a dealer, and this often happens, you can only pass the costs on. The customer can always say no, and remember he has usually approached you rather than the other way round.

Hints for beginners: Roll your joints in slow-burning (Blue Zig-zag) or licorice papers. This makes them burn slower and wastes less grass.

Inhale deeply and hold the smoke as long as possible, so that your lungs can get to work on that smoke. (The smoke doesn't get to work on your lungs as much as tobacco, even if only because most people can't smoke 20 joints a day.) Don't discard the butt or roach. The roach acts as a filter during the smoking of the joint and thus contains concentrated cannabinols. Cannabinols are to grass what hexachlorophane is to tooth-paste. Simple and disposable roach-holders can be made from match-boxes or hair-clips.

Don't expect psychedelic revelations the first few times you turn on. In fact, it takes several tries to get stoned, (in most

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cases). Don't try to smoke incredible amounts at first - it will come. Remember you're doing it for amusement. There's no point in taking it for any other reason. Although strict observation of the simple rules can greatly reduce your chances of getting busted, some advice on what to do if personally confronted by the quad could be helpful.

Ask them to identify themselves and produce a warrant for search or arrest. Look at search warrants to see if they've got the month right. If they don't have a search warrant ask them under what powers they are acting. (They must quote you the Act references. Dumb cops have been known to get them wrong.)

Give them nothing but your name, address and occupation. You are not required to give any other information. Quote case precedent Elder v Evans, New Zealand Law Report 1951 (801) - cops aren't too hot on case-law, and it's better to have your lawyer argue with the magistrate than to have the wool pulled over your eyes by a plausible cop. On the other hand remember everything you say gives them information on you and may lead to a conviction they might not have got otherwise.

Be wary of their tactics. They may tell you that they have found traces of grass in your room, for example, or that someone has topped you. Don't lose your head - they could be making it up. Deny everything.

They usually ask very general questions. (Where do you live. Student, eh? I've got a few units myself. Like rock music? I really dig Peter Paul and Mary. Smoke a bit of grass, eh? Bag-pipes is the most amazing instrument, man. And similar rote-learned jargon. Who do you - dramatic pause - Front with.) The unwary head may let it drop that he has smoked if he believes they've found something. The squad then record his confession of using and drop the possession rap which was fictitious anyway.

The squad are not there to help you. Do not believe their stories of 'trying to help you' 'saving lives' etc. This may apply to other drugs but grass is harmless. They are not sociologists or psychologists or father-surrogates or confessors or friends or usually even decent jokers. They are cops. Decent cops don't usually end up on the squad. So laugh at their questions or answer them all No, or don't answer them at all. The latter may provoke a more physical kind of argument to spill your guts but a busted nose is better than a busted head. Stories of beatings are legion and often not true, but.... They only have reason to get really stroppy if they think you know something.

Know a good lawyer and remember his phone number. Insist (continually if necessary) on seeing him. Maybe you are a law student, or maybe you think you can talk your way out of the situation you're in, but your lawyer can handle the matter better than you and has the background to lay counter charges if required.

Do not accept invitations to 'come and have a chat sometime.' If other heads see you it can only make you suspect and the squad are very skilled at eliciting information very subtly. Their whole system is based on a large-scale association process. They can make accurate guesses that A is holding if they bust C and B who are known chums of A.

Don't admit to knowing anyone, not even your mother. More and more mothers have their own little stash.

In conclusion; remember that staying cool is not a set of rules but a state of mind. What junior freaks may call paranoia is the head's prerogative.

This article is intended to save non-criminal 'criminals' from a lot of hassle. The only way to change the law is for a large proportion of the population to break it. Remember there was a time when you could get hung for a loaf of bread, that law is evolved to meet the needs of society, and that grass is not only a moral issue but also a political one. Heads of the world unite! A slower world will be a saner world, and a bit more entertaining into the bargain. Do your bit to help the vegetable population and strike out against big business, entrenched privilege and personal management. Anyone can be privileged after a joint or two and your personal management is your own affair.

Keep New Zealand Green!!!!!!