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Salient. Victoria University of Wellington Students' Newspaper. Vol. 32, No. 23. September 24, 1969

Duffer's Dinner

Duffer's Dinner

The Blues have been awarded and the athletic giants of 1969 have retired momentarily to exercise the cerebellum in a home run effort for finals.

The tumult and the shouting has died, the grandstands are empty but strangely that green and yellow building just past the Rankin Brown echoes to the thud of heavy feet.

There are still people around the campus who choose to mix activity with academic performance who feel better because they leap around a bit and who still seem to pass finals. But what about the 70 per cent. of the university who do not take any form of physical exercise?

Not long ago a prominent member of the university suggested that as well as a Blues Dinner, there should be an annual Duffer's Dinner. This function would cater for that large group of us who are always the also rans, the never rans or the cannot runs.

At a duffer's dinner, plum duff would be served of course and "greens" would be awarded for athletic anonymity. The coveted pond-scrum "green", for consistent failure to land on the trampoline after bouncing up, or for failure to strike the shuttle after 3924 attempts, would be awarded after lengthy deliberations by the "Greens" Panel. Naturally there would be grades of "Green" for different levels on non-skill; for example green at the gills, green awarded to drop-out at the drinking horn; sea-figreen for consistent failure to return to the surface in swimming classes and vegetable green, snooker green, grey-green and blue-green, all come to mind.

If you feel fat, haggard, tired, apathetic or decidedly lethargic, visit the gymnasium and consult the staff about "greens". Join a class and agitate the cardiac muscle before it is too late. Give your heart a bonus and treat it to some exercise.

If you are one of those people who cannot jump out of the way of your own shadow, need a step-ladder to climb over a box horse or cannot run out of sight in a week you will be a strong contender for the Duffer's Dinner.

The Physical Welfare staff reserves the right to nominate duffers from their numerous classes for beginners which are still being conducted in the gymnasium) and they also ask that they be allowed to undertake the formidable task of administering large quantities of vigorous refreshment and enjoyment to recumbent or somnolent forms.

They can do this in various ways which all lead to happiness! It is interesting to note that there is a growing body of opinion which claims that happiness is relaxing after a vigorous game (won of course).

If your problem is soggy headedness, induced by excessive inactivity, join a refreshment class at the gymnasium and delay the inevitable onset of fatigue. Refresh the brain with increased supplies of oxygenated blood and return to the library feeling better and able to work for longer periods. Vigorous exercise can be as refreshing as a cool beer and incidentally, that cool beer tastes best after vigorous exercise.

So change the scene and change the mood by coming to the Gymnasium. The staff there are prone to offering free unsolicited advise but they also offer free beginners classes in trampolining, golf, badminton, dance, and fitness and you can still participate in intramural games at lunchtimes. No cool beer to follow, only iced orange and maybe some plum duff.