Sludge

Woodenspoon Is Alive . . . And Losing His Deposit

Lamie Woodenspoon has announced that he will contest the Cherry Farm seat as a Latter Day Layabout candidate.

Lamie, who has been a second-year law student for the last five years, announced his candidacy for the seat whilst addressing a gathering of supporters outside the Manapouri Men's Clinic. (He was later beaten about the head and body by a canteen proprietor who mistook him for Prince Charles).

A member of the New Zealand Labour Party for ten minutes, Mr Woodenspoon has served as an "observer" in the Girl Guides.

"I know what it's like to be stripped of my proficiency badges for a minor indiscretion," he snarled croakingly at yesterday's Press Conference.

"I think we should welcome United States Girl Guides in this country . . . even if they are falling apart with Saigon Rose" he croaked snarlingly.

There can he no doubt that Lamie Woodenspoon is well on his way to realising his ambition (to become a footnote in one of Dr Sutch's forthcoming book "The Age of Boredom: A Study of New Zealand polities 1968-1969").

Yet at the same time time he has an inherent fear that some day, in this hate-filled society, he will have his campaign brought to a tragic end . . . by being elected.

This might daunt a lesser man than Lamie. "I ran on my own two feet in Palmerston" he boasts, displaying a knowledge of anatomy that would leave the Governor-General himself threshing at the air.

"I realise the road will be hard" he grimaced crumpishly "but I will stand on the feet I ran on in Palmerston.

"I have a dream. Ask not what I can do for Cherry Farm but rather what Cherry Farm can do for me. I am a Cherry Farmer. So on to Otago and victory."

At this point Mr Woodenspoon donned a stovepipe hat and began to sing the Red Flag in Maori. Mr Woodenspoon is 23.