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Salient: Victoria University Students' Paper. Vol. 28, No. 10. 1965.

Graduation By Subscription

Graduation By Subscription

Thurbage:

Lately, I was rippling through one of those lush American magazines that appeal more or less unabashedly to our more extravagant instincts. Aghast somewhat. I came across a grainy photograph of a girl kissing her own shoulder. "Go ahead, be a narcissist," the ad proclaimed. "Take a fifty-dollar bath in perfume de bain." Yessir. Admitting that this is rather more than less unabashed, let's face it, we're all shoulder nibblers down there next to the wallet.

The truth is that I'm rather suspect to the buxom flattery of the Brooks Brothers, Madison Avenue boys. Time magazine boasts that eight out of ten of its readers are graduates. Now I figure that by subscribing I should have an eight in ten chance of … oh yes. Did you know that by taking out a student concession and a five-year concession they pay you to subscribe? You want to keep your ears pinned back and close to the ground.

The treasurer of this here association went on record as saying that there are several hundreds locked in a vault of the BNZ which can't be touched until the accounts are audited. Now, £200 at 5 per cent is dum de dum de dum. Yep. Circa £410,000 by the year of our Lord 2133. Which should just about pay for the Heli-port on the eighth floor of the SUB. It's an ill wind … and an ill friend who blows an ill wind.

A usually unreliable source whispers that one of the Friday night knights—the St. George and the flagon boys—disturbed the sanctity of the Exec. room by entering while a meeting of that Auguste Body was in motion. He arrived, I am told, carrying a large sack burlap which he claimed contained "documentation that could affect the future of the Executive."

The President, that latter day Groucho Marx, asked if the sack was a permanent fixture of the intruder. "Nope," claimed the intruder, and walked five paces to prove he was independent of the object. The sack, it turned out later, contained rubbish from Rankine-Brown. The intruder left after diverting the Exec, further concerning an item "nuts and bolts"—£50 in the Winter tournament account.

One surmises that the item refers to the exclusive liquid entertainment and condolence allowance of the organising committee. Memo—keep ferrous euphemisms down to a minimum in future Christopher.

The Springboks had a day off slaughtering black swans on a Southland lake. Why, muses an internationalphile of my acquaintance, why only black? Well, it's quite simple, we keep all our white swans on reservations.