Thurbage Meets You

Sc I 1965. Seated at a cafeteria table is a first year girl student. Shift dress, duffle bag. She is talking to a friend of same ilk.

A. (holding doughnut between little finger and thumb) There's nothing like the lacrosse club here. You know they treat all freshers the same. You'd think ex-prefects would get special preference.

Friend, Do they ever? The pills. I think they're all probably pills.

Enter 5th-year student (6 units) chewing after dinner mint. He carries a pile of cyclostyled sheets. Ernest expression. Sallow, hunted look.

Earnest Student. Excuse me. Would you be interested in helping form a new society. The underdeveloped observers' society. It's all in here. We want to help everybody equally. The wops, the dago's — everybody. Would you like to join?

Friend. Would we what!

A. (getting up) This sounds like a decent sort of society. Here's my chance to pitch in and do something. Especially the wops and dago's. Besides it'll probably be a dag.

Earnest Student. One of our primary aims is to be absolutely independent of everybody. We're getting a grant from Stud Ass. We advocate independent action against nearly everything. We're petitioning the Government to get New Zealand to withdraw from the South Pacific as a protest.

A. As a protest against what?

Earnest Student. We're still working on that. Would you be interested in helping erect palm fronds in the foyer for Kapiti Island week?

A. Is there honestly a problem on Kapiti?

Earnest Student. Not yet, but there could be. We're trying to educate the public to that fact.

Friend. What fact?

Earnest Student. I don't know. You'd better ask the society president. (moving across to A) You can distribute these sheets if you like.

A. At last I can help! (clasps them to bosom.)

Earnest Student. Are there any questions. I must get back to training coll before I go on my Post run.

Friend. How many males are there in the club?

Earnest Student. 439 signed the petition. Are you still interested in joining?

Friend. Am I what. I'm jolly enthusiastic now. (Earnest Student eats remainder of doughnut and exits left.)

A. (To audience. Taking off sunglasses.) Educate the public. Yes now I see. I mean we must do what we can. Better to try than to stand and sneer. Far better. Sneerers are pills. They don't understand our motives because it's our motives that count.

A and Friend. This could see the start of something great. It jolly well could. (Fanfare of trumpets. Curtain. Collapse of proscenium, etc.)

Sc 11 1966. Seated at cafeteria table is a first-year girl student. Twizzle dress, leather bag. She is talking to friend of same ilk.

A. (Holding lemmington between little finger and thumb) There's nothing like the current affairs club here. You know they treat all the freshers the same. You'd think ex-prefects would get special preference.

Friend, Would you what. The crumbs. I think they're all probably crumbs ....

Enter 6th-year student (6½ units) chewing ....