Around The Campus

By El Crud

It happened during a psychology lecture. Now as you are probably aware, anything can happen during a psych, lecture; I mean, it's just that sort of subject. I stopped contemplating the psychomatic state of the lecturer and brought my mighty mind to focus on something of great importance to me, namely, myself.

Two years ago, in the halcyon days of my youth, I dreamt of great things; I had great plans, great ambitions. Perhaps one day I would be a professor, an ivory-towered sage, calmly explaining the intricacies of projective geometry to eager freshers, or presenting my views with a scintillating incisiveness to a respectful professorial board.

But somewhere along the line something went wrong with this Grand Design, something which not even I understand.

However, I am becoming too morbid, but I thought I'd let you know that I'm not really as decrepit as I usually try to make out.

As usual the party on Saturday night was unenjoyable. Someone gave a wonderful demonstration of fire fighting. He simply unleashed an extinguisher into a crowded room. Still, beer plus carbon tetrachloride makes a change.

When I started writing my column it was intended that I remain anonymous, but slowly over the weeks my pinnacle of safety has eroded. Within an hour of the first issue someone commented that they enjoyed my column and was I going to carry on with it? I said that I was but that I was also going to write a column entitled "Son of El Crud." which was to be printed in glorious Total scope, the only holdup being that Salient have only got black and white typewriters.

Another said he recognised the style after reading only two lines, which is very nice for the ego but is a trifle unsettling all the same. The final blow came at a party the other week; I was feeding this female my usual decrepit third year line when she remarked that I sounded just like that clot who wrote for Salient. "Madam!" I cried ecstatically, beating a Rarotongan tattoo on my breast. "I am He!"

If there is one thing that gets under my skin it's that group of people who use the lift for only four or five flights. I think there is an urgent need for a special express lift for maths students only. This would enable us to segregate ourselves from those of lesser breed, as we climb to the rarifled air of the maths department.