Cafeteria

Sir,—The cafeteria is always appallingly full at meal times. Yet there is no provision for taking food to other parts of the S.U.B. You cannot even sit on the steps outside the cafeteria if you happen to like your meals off plates and coffee from cups. Just try it—there will be a violent scene.

But you can, however, ask for bags to transport food to your quiet, peaceful room a few yards away. You will be issued with large, well-worn bags of the brown paper variety, and you can spend a delightful hour or so wondering just what originally came in the bags.

(This is actually quite a skilled business—I don't mind giving you one or two pointers from my own wide experience: black specks in the bottom of the bag might be bananas, coal (give Grit Test), or burnt pies. Grease marks—butter, pies, pre-cooked cold meat, and so on. Allow four points for every sure conclusion, three points if you had a big clue like icing sticking to your pie, two points for a guess, and one point if you actually observed the cold potatoes being taken out of it before it was given to you).