Apologia Pro Barba Sua

Varsity Beatniks—Read this !

"I think it is the weakness of mine eyes that shapes this monstrous apparition." This is just one of the many derogatory salutations invariably provoked by my bearded physiognomy. It is indeed unfortunate that such noted contemporaries as Fidel Castro and Toham'd Morah wear beards thus making them synonymous with political intrigue.

There seems to be some misunderstanding as to what exactly a beard is. A beard is not "fungus", "steel wool" or "vegetation" as some misguided individuals seem to think and I protest against the liberal application of such sarcastic nomenclature to beards. A beard is simply a hirsute appendage on a man's lower mandible. What could be simpler than that?

Now for the virtues of beards. Maintainence of beards is cheap—no razor blades, shaving cream etc. But consider beards from an aesthetic point of view. When you come to think of it, a beard does add a lot to one's face. A bearded man cuts a striking figure. He almost bristles out in a crowd. No denying that.

It is so ironical that people should shave. Every boy, being born without a beard, strives to achieve one, and finally has one thrust upon him. He has looked forward eagerly to possessing a beard — the quintessence of masculinity — for "he that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man." In secret moments the boy has stroked his chin and upper lip, seeking the first signs of a beard, and yet when he finds himself with a beard, he is forced to initiate a ruthless persecution against it. He takes up arms against a sea of stubble in a vain attempt to end by opposing. Years of expectation have culminated in disillusionment. How ironical!

I, trusting to my own sagacity, have allowed my beard full liberty to do its worst, despite protest from those who have primacy of jurisdiction in this realm. I have not regretted flouting convention. Indeed I have become very much attached to my beard.

"Review," M.B.H.S., Suva, by R. Pillai.