The Speakers

Speakers for the affirmative— that "Artificial insemination should replace Sexual Intercourse" -were Messrs. Middleton, Hogg, Dawkins, Ross, Fatalonga, Lewis, Dewhurst and Miss Younger. Those who objected to the motion wore: Messrs. Tamasese, Roberts, Daniel, Butler, O'Brien, Bromby, Hamlin and McBride. Salient reporter Janet Anderson and Miss Griffin were also among those who spoke against the motion.

Law Text Quoted

Aided by statistics from an unknown source and a textbook on Family Law—Mr Hogg earnestly put forward his ideas—the desirability of artificial insemination. Our old system—marriage, and all that follows—is already outmoded. The problems which arise in "Inglis on Family Law" show this; statistics showing the frequency of bastardy prove beyond all doubt that a change is needed. Ignoring the many interjections from the floor, particularly those from a Mr O'Brien, the speaker assured the audience that there was nothing to be lost if the idea were to be carried out.

Deprivation of Pleasure

He said: "This motion will not deprive you of the Various Liberties which are already indulged in. You are quite at liberty to Do it in Pleasure." Furthermore, his colleague would "later on show that there is an answer to (the world's) most pressing problems." (At this point, freshers fidgetted uncomfortably. Others cheered wildly.) Anyway. Mr Hogg pointed out, artificial insemination is Already Widely Practised (Interjection: "Among cattle!)

A Race of Supermen?

This really works! We select the best specimen. We would take the precaution of excluding Irishmen. Soon, sub-standard intellects and poor physique are eliminated. Eventually, there will (from this system of widespread artificial insemination) emanate a race of Supermen!

Tamesese Objects Violently

Leader for the opposing team, Mr Tamasese hinted darkly that Mr Hogg's statistics came from an unreliable source. "I can tell you that New Zealand women are not as sexually consistent as they are in the United States of America. It is perhaps a very admirable reflection on their energy. I ... (Abridged, Editor) ..."

Artificial insemination is an outrage against, the natural law of things. Artificial insemination requires that men must masturbate. It is necessary to ... (Abridged, Editor) ... Anyway, he will not go into the biological mechanics of the thing. Men who prefer artificial insemination to the sex act must have "an unhealthy sense of individualism!"

The Situation of artificial insemination is Entirely Absurd and Embarrassing. Who would ... (Abridged, Editor) ... be willing to subject herself to the many risks attached to artificial insemination? "The whole motion smacks of irresponsibility."

Mr Middleton Tells A (Dirty?) Story

"We all do it; we all have done it; therefore we should do it in the future." This he claimed was the attitude of those who do not want to adopt new ideas and new changes.

To ilustrate his point, he cited the case of a noble savage who would not eat his fellow men. It was a compact little story. Progress! Progress! Man must progress! he hammered into his audience. And to progress, we must remove our conventional ideas.

On the question of morals, Mr Middleton pointed out that while we have a right to mess-up our lives, we have no right to ruin those who will come after us. (He was speaking on the assumption that artificial insemination will in fact better our living.) "Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever thought that your birth was an accident?" A hushed interval followed this query. Someone recovered himself in time to yell out: "Yours was a mistake"

Finally, he stated that "Man is eternally curious." Sounding like something extracted from a psychology text, he went on: "We must adjust ourselves to our environment; to new situations." We cannot possibly resist change.

More Authority Quoted

"Mr Chairman," Mr Roberts said, "even I have a conscience!" He quoted some findings by some professor or other and told his audience of some of the dangers inherrent in artificial insemination. Legally, artificial insemination can be a ground for divorce in some countries. Socially, artificial insemination is undesirable because of the evil consequences which result once the family unit is destroyed. And artificial insemination—if it is going to replace sexual intercourse—is. the very thing which is going to cause disruption in our social order. If artificial insemination is going to be made compulsory, Our Last Stronghold of Privacy—the Double Bed is Going to be Lost Forever!

Purpose of Life Not in a Bottle

Unblushing, Miss Anderson told her listeners: "The purpose of life is not in a bottle!" ... (Abridged, Editor) ...""... people would become frustrated ..." (Some people thought that this was hilariously funny). Very wisely, in a confidential tone, she said: "According to Freud, many of our mental frustrations have a Sexual Origin!" From her remarks, we drew the inference that Miss Anderson does not think much of artificial insemination. Pretty law student, Miss Younger, thought otherwise. Stolidly, she maintained that "new ideas are not always welcomed." To her, the problems of the world—prejudice, war, suspicion, poverty— can all be solved by this new, exciting process—artificial insemination. Then came an unusual view: "Sexual intercourse is too personal," she thought. Miss Younger went on ... (Abridged, Editor).

The Idea Repulsive

A Mr Terrilee probably revealed the true feelings of most of those in the gathering when he said that the idea of artificial insemination is repulsive to most of us—and that this points out that there is something wrong with the plan proposed in the motion debated that night.

The Final Fatal Blow

The members of the affirmative suffered a final, fatal blow from Mr Hamlin when he summarised very neatly the arguments against the motion. Mr Hamlin had vacated his chair and exercised his privilege of speaking as a floor member. Despite Mr Hogg's courageous retreat—his talks of "emotionalism, sentimentalism," and all, Mr Hamlin's objections struck home.

A Frivolous Evening?

Salient estimated the crowd at 250—all after good, clean (?) fun. Apart from a burst of good debating technique from Mr Hamlin, Salient feels that some of the other speakers could have prepared their arguments better had they so wished. Better speeches have been presented in the past by some of the speakers. Mr Ross managed to capture the attention of his audience in his quiet manner and probably appeared in time to stop the debate from turning into a riotous evening. Anyway, we all had our fun. Weren't you there? A pity.

Quotable Quotes

"Mr Maxwell (a married man) has spent Years of Patient Research. He was going to bombard you with a deluge of facts."—Mr Hogg.

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"You are all familiar—undoubtedly—with the matter."—Tamasese.

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"What a cold way of treating a hot topic!"

Salient