Yes, you too can learn how to become a madman of the 64 squares —go on, admit that you didn't know that a chessboard has 64 squares—just send £2/10/- in cash to … Seriously, though, the masterminds of the V.U.W. Chess Club decided that it was about time that the rest of the University realised that we actually exist. So, at the risk of being told that we are sticking our necks out, blowing our own trumpets, and being generally egocentric—alright, we admit it, since we have been told this many times already—we are about to give ourselves some much-needed and morale-lifting publicity. After all, we have no prospect of anyone else doing it for us.

Alcoholics Unanimous

One of the inimitable curiosities of chess is that it is practically the only sport, indoor or outdoor—well, there are one or two others—where performance is almost completely unaffected by the consumption of large quantities of alcohol. Evidence of this is provided by the amazing achievements of the Vic chess team at Arts Festival this year when, despite the fact that all members of the team (four, to be exact) were to a greater or lesser extent under the affluence of incohol (hic)—excuse us—we nevertheless tied for first with Canterbury. In fact, we would have won the tournament outright had not the Canterbury team sabotaged our efforts by substituting rose hip syrup for our methylated spirits when they thought we weren't looking. Unfortunately, they were right. Sour grapes apart, we must acknowledge the intoxicated efforts of John Howe, who scored 4 points out of 5 at Board 2 (with the aid of a bottle of Swedish brandy), and Mike Earle (who prefers to remain anonymous), who scored 4½ out of 5 at Board 3. They were abetted to a lesser degree by Roger Chapman and Colin Smyth.

If you are interested please contact Ross Barnett (Hons. Physics Lab., behind C3, or phone 36820) or Roger Chapman (phone 40-873). And next time you see a decrepit specimen mumbling to himself "Pawn to King four" or some such, don't say "There, but for the grace of God, go I."