Sir,—"Salient" is not doing its job. It is too unenterprising. Are you sick? Why don't you attack something? That's what you're for. You personally Sir, are capable of formidable attacking. (Three different girls have told me so.) Look at the daily newspapers; follow their example. See how courageously they attack things—jitterbugs, dogs, Russia, the weather, each other, Russia ... No Sir, no Pulitzer Prize for you. Your magazine doesn't expose anything. You personally Sir, are capable of ... (Abridged.—Ed.).

What about some features on the following suggestions:

Clothes

Why do students persist in wearing clothes? It just shows how illogical everybody is ... groaning about the cost of books, fees, chewing gum, comics . . . and wasting money on clothes. Sir, there is only one occasion when wearing clothes is desirable: when one is taking a bath. But do we do this? No! Instead we get wet and then have to dry ourselves. Sir, simply wearing a raincoat and thighboots in the bath keeps one comfortably dry. After the both ... no drying—just slip off your clothes and you're ready for going out.

Anyway, Sir, I know a lot of students who don't mind taking their clothes off. We needn't rush it ... just start with a few little things till they get used to it.

University Teachers

Are they necessary? I raise this point because of a case that I believe occurred at the University of Lustandlove in North Lapland. In this case the students grew tired of their lecturer and secured him a job as an attendant for a local body the was already attending to several local bodies, but this one was different . . . He got paid). His absence was not noticed by the University authorities whose salaries were so high they all behaved like big capitalists, i.e., the only people they would ever notice missing were their secretaries.

This letter was written in New Zealand English. It was translated into English English by Wera Pini, a dishwasher in the Department of Maori Affaire.

Anyway, this left the class to their own devices. They learnt more than they had ever done before from the books they had studied in libraries, behind the fowlhouse, and under the blankets.

I don't know if they actually held examinations, but I would think so. Oh yes.

Buildings

These, at Victoria, are all deplorable. Take the Kirk Wing for example. The stairs all go the wrong way, They go upwards. Surely they should go downwards and thus avoid all that climbing. It would have been a simple matter to arrange this when the building was being constructed. All that was needed was a big hole to put the building in. There is a big hole at the top of Mount Ngarauhoe. This could have been transferred to Victoria and equipped with stairs going down, laboratories, lecture rooms, bedrooms, opium dens, and the entire casts of Damn Yankees and the World of Suzie Wong. Then, Sir, Kirk would have been a low down heaven instead of a high up Hell

Furthermore, these stairs are bad for student health. You know yourself that when, ac[unclear: comparned] by all those poor girl students, you begin climbing the stairs you are panting after a few steps. The girls you walk up with amaze me. Where do they get the energy to run wildly up the last two flights, sometimes shrieking and throwing shoes, apples and indignant

Sir, these are the Kind of things I want featured in "Salient." For you see Sir. My "Salient" is my almanac, lunch wrapper and (Abridged. Ed.) And friends this is a true letter; I know because I Was The Author.

—Lemmy.