Text For the Week

Kiwis, look to the Orient, that way lies your future.

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Question of the Week

How sweet do you reckon toothpaste manufacturers can get carbon dioxide?

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And What Do You Want to Do When You Grow Up?

"I want to live on the Left Bank and drink wine in the original language."

"I want to be a beachcomber like Gauguin and paint niggers and see a green coconut and say. "I want that coconut for dinner: I'll wait till it drops.'"

"I want, to be a hermit and live in a cave just off the bus route. There I will grow a filthy beard and smoke Sobranies and go down in history as the only Kiwi who didn't drink beer on Saturday afternoon:"

"I want to be a savant dour with severe grey suit and stripey tie. I'll have letters from all the learned societies in my old and disillusioned age I want to realise the insolubility of human problems."

"All I want is to see the orchard ill blossom:"

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Money is the Root of All Evil

"I 'came out' three times." she said as she simperingly sipped her tea from a bone china cup "When I got married I thought we would have to curtail our social activities but Jack and I decided to have only four children us we could go to more parties However, the instruction book was not illustrated so we weren't too successful. Eventually we solved that problem by sending them to an approved boarding school. Children are such a bore don't you think?!!!"