A Modest Proposal

Can anyone get £10,000. Beg, borrow, or—but perhaps I am being too drastic. It is quite evident that we are not adopting satisfactory methods to gain funds. Fight fire with fire is what I say, and so the Gala Committee is formulating a scheme for turning Victoria into ten nightmarish days of gambling hell this August.

Outlined below is the scheme:

First on the programme is the Gym. This we intend to wrap in brown paper and raffle as a lucky packet. As this object is useless, the winner will probably return it to us, and we will raffle it again, and so on, ad infinitum. The Library, with the College Dance Band adorning the gallery, will be turned into a ballroom—principle objection to this, is that dancers unfortunately cannot help but hear the noise the band makes.

Glass fronts will be let into the Professors' rooms which will then be flooded (including professors) and used as an aquarium.

The Cafeteria will contain a coconut shy, Aunt Sally, Miss (censored) and a "Smash-up-the-happy-home" stall with patrons hurling yesterday's toasted sandwiches at the crockery and staff. In one corner, a roulette wheel, while for the benefit of lesser intellects, pitch and toss will be staged elsewhere. Students can eliminate themselves with Dodgems in the corridors, while the main banisters broadened and polished, will be used as a "Jack-and-jill." Mathematics students will have "Housie" tutorials in C3, and linguists studying Romance tongues can

Associated Secretaries

Dear Sir,

. . . whisper sweet (Gallic) nothings in the ears of their sweeties as they travel gently through the glorified Scenic Railway or Cave of Love, situated in the Biology Block, Suitable detours could be made at the Biology Museum and to the roof, where the stars could be examined with great profit. The Psych. Lab could well be turned into a Crazy House, directed by Prof. Ceccarelli, with the addition of a couple of slides (wooden) which would undoubtedly attract some of the more sprightly spirits in the town. If the present weather continues, the gully below the Biology Block could be dammed (Damn It!) and the lake so formed (consequent or is it subsequent?) could be utilised for water dodgems, a chute from the main steps would also provide a great deal of enjoyment. Perhaps the addition of some of the Dogfish from the Biology Block would turn it into an extremely exciting game of Dodge the Dogfish!

Other suggestions that might find favour are: (1) The Women's Common Room as a Chamber of Horrors; (2) Salient Room, a worse den of vice. (3) Finally when all the festivities are done, the Gym., which by this time would have earned a mint of money through the Surprise Packet idea, could be burnt, providing the kids of Wellington with a buckshee Guy Fawke's Bonfire for November the 5th.

With a little vision we feel sure that

I or We Remain

.......of the Gala Committee.

Dear Sir,

. . . the Building Committee could have made or still could make a far greater appeal with the plan we have outlined.

Communications concerning the [unclear: above] can be addressed to "The Associated Secretaries, Gala Committee, Men's Uncommon Room.

Another [unclear: Associated] Secretary.