re freshers

May I be permitted to express the extreme concern I feel over any plans for a Student Union Building. The possibility of this year's freshers witnessing the laying of the foundation stone strikes terror in my heart. Having observed, for the past fifteen years, the ever-increasing hoards of freshers who storm our portals annually, I have been regretfully forced to the conclusion that they summarise the inellectual decadence of the youth of this age. It is not the adolescent neuroses of individuals that I object to, nor the wet-behind-the-ears smugness that typifies their conversation, but the sight of these nauseating intellectual pigmies in bulk is what revolts me. Studying en masse, one may watch their mental droppings thicken the already fetid atmosphere of our common rooms, their brilliant babblings crush the remnants of lucidity from our debates, their pompous prognostications drive insensate those few of our lecturers who still remain normal. Far from the provision of luxurious housing for these cretins, the most strenuous efforts must be made to prevent their gathering together in any one place at the same time.

Trusting that all building plans will be immediately abandoned,

I am, etc.,

Grieved Graduate.