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Number One; or, The Way of the World

Chapter v. Pleasure and Pain.—Hope and Disappointment

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Chapter v. Pleasure and Pain.—Hope and Disappointment.

How was the first month after my arrival in London occupied? Let truth, in the following brief narrative, reply.

In three days I had had enough of Honest John, Amy, and the sofa-bedstead, Each in that brief space had contributed so much to my comfort that a relaxation, if not of good things, at least of the attendants that accompanied them, was already thought desirable. Breakfast I enjoyed, but I relished the eggs and bacon more than the two chapters by which they were preceded. Supper I also enjoyed, but the Book—the Book before breakfast and after supper—no; I didn't enjoy that. The daily appearance of the Book, however, was only one of several causes that induced an early change of abode. My companion, Silas Bloomfield, had arrived in London. By him I was informed that a latch-key to the street-door of a lodging-house was an indispensable article with any one who wished to go "sight seeing." Honest John had no latch-key, and he usually retired to rest at ten o'clock. Contrary, therefore, to the wishes of my systematic host and attentive Amy, I left the free board and lodging they wished me to retain, in order to share with my companion the expense and pleasure of an apartment in which, as he informed me, we could "do as we liked."

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Pleasure-hunting against time is rather hard work. My first experience on this head receives daily confirmation from that numerous and ever-flowing body of the community commonly called "country cousins," who come to London to see everything within a given space of time. Although a good deal may be seen in such a race for pleasure, how much of the spectacle is understood or enjoyed? It may be possible to go through the form of dining six times in one day, but it is scarcely possible to partake of, much less to enjoy, a liberal share of each repast, however varied may be the dishes composing the same. An attempt to cram either mind or body with food of any sort was never yet attended by pleasing results.

At the expiration of a fortnight my friend, Silas, and the writer had seen many, or rather most of the leading "London sights." But, as we reclined on the softest place we could find in our apartment on the last day, we were better qualified to discourse on the daily fatigue arising from the labor involved in "sight seeing" than on any particular pleasure to be derived therefrom. It puzzled each of us, on a calm review of the "wonders" we had seen, to determine which was the most wonderful, or whether, in fact, there was in either of the "wonders" anything very wonderful, after all. So far as I was concerned, disappointment formed the chief ingredient in the review. Founded on sketch-books and country gossip, my imaginary picture of the marvels of London was dazzling only in the distance—the ideal having surpassed the reality.

Of the romantic forms and charming figures with which young persons, and others, sometimes people the imagination—relative to celebrated mind and matter, heard of, but unseen—a striking instance recently came under my own immediate notice. Having occasional opportuni-page 34ties of going into society far above my own circle, I some time since took one of my fair "country cousins" to a conversazione at which were assembled some of the leading men of the day. Here a dialogue, something after the following, and in a subdued tone of voice, ensued between us:—

"Well, cousin; as you are anxious to know a few of the London lions,—you see that gentleman in the corner of the room talking to a lady much taller than himself—that's Mr. Charles Sharp, the celebrated actor of the Princess's Theatre."

"That Mr. Charles Sharp?" enquired my fair cousin, in surprise; "why, what an insignificant little person, to be sure."

"The gentleman on his right is Lord Littlejohn, at one time Premier of England."

"Is that Lord Littlejohn? why, he's a more insignificant looking person than the last, I declare."

"The lady on the left of Lord Littlejohn is Miss Mental, the celebrated authoress."

"What a fright! I shall never like her works again."

"The gentleman in front of Miss Mental is Bishop Dogood."

"You're joking, cousin. That person a Bishop? why he's more like a barber than a bishop, I declare. Don't name any more of 'em, cousin. Yes; there is one whose name I should like to know, for he's just the picture of the finest man in our village—I mean that gentleman in the centre of the room."

"That's Mr. Alderman Turtle, cousin."

"Alderman Turtle! dear me! he's the very image of young Mr. Jolly who keeps the 'Bull's Head.'"

Before my fair cousin left town, a careful examination of the contents of a portfolio of "portraits of living and page 35deceased celebrities" satisfied her that with nature, as with art, the most valuable works are not always in the finest frames.

To proceed with the story of my life. After the race for pleasure, came the reckoning, and a pretty reckoning it was. Each had hitherto paid his own share in the transaction; and after a final division and settlement of bills for lodging, &c., my friend, Silas, had a balance of twenty-two shillings in hand, while, on my part, two pounds, ten shillings, alone remained out of my former and entire capital of seven guineas. Of the remnant, my companion required the loan of one guinea, his own being insufficient to convey him again to his country home. Various reasons—most of which have long since escaped my memory—were assigned for the small amount of cash with which he had started, and the consequent necessity for my becoming partner in the monetary responsibility, contrary to a previously expressed note that "Frank's company is all that is required." I only remember that while I was perfectly satisfied with the causes assigned by my companion for what he had not done, the assurance of what he intended to do made me equally happy. I was yet in blissful ignorance of any way of the world that, with precocious talent, would reveal precocious deceit, cunning, or falsehood; and I never for a moment doubted the sincerity of my early bosom friend, Silas Bloomfield, when he promised to return, by first post after his arrival home, a five pound note in lieu of the guinea. He kindly considered the addition might be found useful; and after I had entered on the duties of a situation the amount could be returned at my own convenience. With this understanding, which strengthened my opinion that Silas was a "nice young fellow," we parted.

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My little knowledge of arithmetic was enough to satisfy me that if one week's board and lodging cost fifteen shillings, two weeks ditto would absorb the whole of my thirty shillings; and thinking it possible, though not probable, that such a thing as a miscarriage might befall the promised five pound note, or that a suitable situation might not fall to my lot during the first week's search for the same, I deemed it desirable to seek a less expensive abode than that which I had shared with my friend Silas. Accordingly, I sought, and soon found, a suitable lodging at six shillings per week. This was to include breakfast; and having already discovered a restaurant in which I could dine for ninepence, the result of the change would be a saving of four and sixpence a week, or nearly another week's board and lodging for the thirty shillings in hand. Thus, by post, on the same day that my friend took his departure for home, I despatched the address of my new abode—the abode to which that friend's letter, containing the promised "five" was to be directed.

Friend Silas and my own desire for pleasure departed together. Night came, and refreshed me with sleep and solitude in my new and, I hoped, temporary dwelling place.

Early in the morning that launched me on my own individual resources I was up and stirring—anxious for the solution of the all-important question, "which of my epistolary introductions will yield me any, or what service?" Calling, respectively, on each of the mercantile firms to whom my letters were addressed soon solved the problem. In the following will be found the substance of the reply to each application, together with the result thereof.

No. 1.

"I perceive by this letter from one of our country agents, that you wish to obtain a situation in London. page 37By making enquiries round town, you will, no doubt, find some one who would be glad of a smart country lad, like yourself. I regret we have no vacancy for you here. Good morning."

Hereupon the speaker retired to his counting-house; and as quickly and quietly as a novel position in an office among numerous strangers would permit, I retreated towards the street door, feeling the first prick on the spirit in no way relieved by a sound that caught my ear from one of the numerous clerks, who said to a brother scribbler, "just twig the cut of his coat."

No. 2.

"So, young gentleman, you want a situation? Been accustomed to our sort of business? No; not been accustomed to any business. Then, I can do nothing for you, my man. When you have served your apprenticeship, you can give us a call."

No. 3.

"Letter from our friend, Thomson. Walk in my private counting-house and take a seat. Mr. Thomson, in his letter, tells me you wish to obtain a mercantile situation. Most happy to do what I can for you. What premium do your friends intend to pay? Not any. Well; I don't know of a situation that would suit you just at this moment, but—' any would suit you,' you say. Well; I don't know of any, at present. You can look in again, if you like, when you pass this way. Should you return to the country, give my respects to Mr. Thompson. Here, John, show this young gentleman the way out."

No. 4.

"A situation, eh? In the present state of trade, there's not half work for those who have situations. Mr. Smith knows that as well as I do; and I'm. surprised he page 38should send you to me. You can tell him so. Shall soon want a situation myself, unless things improve. Don't waste your time here, lad; I've nothing for you."

No. 5.

"Neither of the firm are within at present. I'm the head clerk. Is your letter on business?—Yes. Give it to me. You told me it was on business; it's an application for a situation. You had better call in about half an hour, and see one of the firm; although we have no vacancy here, except for a light porter."

At the expiration of half an hour, I called again, saw one of the firm, and enquired what duties constituted the office of light porter? With a smile, accompanied by a gentle tap on my shoulder, he said, "the duties are, by far, too heavy for you, my lad. Try elsewhere for something better. Good morning."

Thus, in a few hours, and by the natural elements I had invoked, was utterly destroyed the epistolary batch of hopes on which my mind had for some time rested. It was now four o'clock. I had not partaken of refreshment since breakfast, and was not less exhausted in body than depressed in mind. But anxiety supplied the place of hunger; for, like a poor mariner whose last chance is on his last anchor, I made way, as fast as surviving vigor would permit, towards an untried spot, leaving for awhile the commercial shallows of despondency for what might prove a welcome harbor—though a political one—of refuge. On reaching the town residence of the Right Honorable M.P. whose cause my father had often and successfully advocated, I rang the visitor's bell, resolved, if possible, to go direct to head-quarters, without revealing to servants the purport of my mission.

"What's your pleasure, young man?" enquired a gaily page 39liveried colossus, who appeared to me a much nobler looking fellow than his master.

"Private business with his lordship," I replied.

"His lordship is at present engaged in the library; and unless your business is important he will not see you."

"My business is very important to me," I said, as courage seemed to strengthen from the effect of the day's defeat.

"To you it may be, young man, but is it of equal importance to his lordship?"

"I hope so. Please to convey to his lordship the name of my father."

So saying, I gave to my herculean interrogator a slip of paper which I had prepared for the occasion. This proved my immediate passport, for in less than a minute the commanding footman conducted me to the presence of his master, the senior M.P. for my native town.

"Son of my late respected friend, I presume?" enquired his lordship, as I entered the library. "Pray be seated. Like other young country gentlemen, you have come to London to see a few of its wonders, I suppose? "

"Have seen all I wish to see in that way, my lord."

"And are now on your way home again, eh?"

"Since my father's death and the close of his establishment I have had no country home. I should like to make this my home now, my Lord."

"This!—this house?" quickly repeated his lordship in seeming amazement.

"Pardon me, your lordship, I should have said London—if I can obtain a situation in London."

"Yes, yes; you will find no difficulty there. You possess, no doubt, the means of introduction to some of our city merchants?"

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"I regret to say, my lord, I have already exhausted the means—unless your lordship—perhaps your lordship may be disposed to appoint me to a situation?"

"Quite disposed, if my means accorded with my disposition. However, I will not fail to recommend you to the notice of my friend the Home Secretary; and should anything transpire to your advantage, I will at once communicate with you. Pray leave me your address."

Assumed it might have been—but the kind and gentle manner of the noble lord formed a pleasing contrast to the rough and ready treatment I had received from the mercantile gentlemen on whom I had previously called. Extreme politeness and affability on the part of superiors surely tend to pacify, if not to lessen, the wants they may fail to supply. The polite and genial bearing of the noble lord caused me, for a moment, almost to forget, or lose sight of, my chief object with the speaker. In listening to his graceful sentences, I hardly knew, or had time to think, whether the favor I solicited would ultimately be granted or denied, or whether, in fact, his lordship had said anything to lead to a direct conclusion either one way or another. Without looking again at the paper I had placed on the table, I was not even sure that I had correctly written my own address. During the brief time my attention was thus occupied, his lordship had rung the bell and requested the presence of the butler, who quickly made his appearance.

"William," said his lordship, addressing the butler, "let my young friend here be supplied with any refreshment he may require. You have left me your address, have you, young gentleman? Yes, yes; here it is—quite right, quite right. Good morning to you, good morning, good morning."

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Thus surrounded by artistic splendour, saluted by gracious smiles, and fairly bowed out of one room by a noble lord and into another by his butler, I not only felt a little out of my own element, but hardly knew what to make of that into which I had wandered. Such princely civilities disconcerted me; yet they seemed to furnish evidence that something more than mere civility was intended. Sitting alone at table, before a Sumptuous cold collation of beef, fowl, tongue, tartlets, jellies, wines, &c., and interrupted only by an occasional appearance and enquiry on the part of a stately footman, who was anxious to know whether all my wants were supplied, I did not for a moment imagine—what youth unacquainted with the way of the world would?—that the sweets of the repast would be the only ones I should ever taste on the subject that brought me hither. To have supposed that I then saw before me the alpha and omega of princely generosity would have not only evinced, on my part, a want of gratitude for the present hospitality of the noble host, but would have likewise implied a doubt on the sincerity of his future intentions. Could an inexperienced heart think, much less believe, that in the ready acknowledgement thus made of the value of political services rendered by a parent would be found a receipt in full? Or that the youthful guest of a nobleman by whom the acknowledgement was given would live to remember, with sorrow, the only return made for the past services of a sire—when an orphan was the recipient, and a statesman the donor? No, gentle reader, I did not think or believe anything of the sort. I took as freely of the good things before me as a mixed feeling of fatigue and excitement would permit, and retired therefrom with the pleasing conviction that better things were yet in store for me—the greatest consideration upper-page 42most in my mind being, "how many days will elapse before I shall hear from his lordship, and to what sort of situation will he appoint me?" With the mind thus engaged, the fatigue of the body was unfelt, till I was subsequently informed that I had increased the distance on my return from his lordship's mansion to my own lodging by an unnecessary circuit of some two or three miles.

The week that followed my first day's search for employment was, or seemed to be, the longest in my history. I was in daily expectation of what would have been a twofold boon to my personal state—the appointment to a government situation by a nobleman, and the receipt of a five pound note from a companion who had kindly aided me in spending my own. I tried hard to teach myself a lesson on "patience," and had ample time for the task. The hours of each day and the minutes of each hour were multiplied by suspense. From sunrise to sunset there appeared to be time enough to make a voyage to the Antipodes, and from sunset to sunrise to make the voyage back again. Though becalmed by day, the breeze of excitement at night was not only enough to keep me on the move, but to originate the anything but agreeable discovery that the London "lady-birds," of which I had been forewarned by the gentle Amy, were not identical with the class of "pretty innocent little creatures" with which I had been familiar in the country. Before the expiration of many nights, or rather during the progress or at the close of each night, I was in a condition, from active experience, to endorse Amy's declaration that "new bedstead, bed, and bedding would be found very desirable and of great advantage to a young person just from the country." During these days and nights of suspense, other reflections would now and then intrude disagreeable page 43little queries on the mind. Some of these were the reverse of flattering to the solitary object and scantily-furnished lodging by whom and in which they were entertained. They went so far as to submit that I had acted precipitately, if not unwisely, in forsaking, so soon, the "sofa-bedstead and bedding" which had been specially prepared for me and my "own use" by the considerate Amy—especially as no London "lady-bird" had there disturbed my rest during the three nights of my tenancy. It was also suggested that, in the financial condition of the reflector, the free board and lodging of Honest John would have been more desirable than that which would completely exhaust the exchequer in about a fortnight, unless the expected five pound note, or the situation should come to hand in the interval Even the two chapters before breakfast and after supper began to appear trifling obstacles to the comfort of a guest, compared with those which might shortly present themselves. But each and all of these thoughts were pregnant with pain; and as pain is never a welcome visitor, I tried, though sometimes unsuccessfully, to ally the fate of its numerous offspring to that of the "ladybirds," by an endeavour to drown the tormentors. To return to the "sofa-bedstead," Honest John, and Amy, before I had improved my position, was altogether out of the question, although the question of "why did I leave them?" would, in spite of mental opposition, occasionally intrude on the mind.

Never were expected favors—that ever came to hand—so long as mine in coming. They never came at all. Ten days had already elapsed, and I had neither obtained the hoped-for situation, nor the promised bank-note, nor had I yet received any information on the subject of either. But what man or woman, boy or girl, is ever quick to page 44abandon the last hope of anything in which self-interest is involved, until the thing hoped for has ceased to exist? Poor Lady Franklin would not believe the case of the lamented Sir John to be hopeless, till she received the record of his burial. Thus, in the most trifling matters of ordinary life, in which we have a personal interest, we hope against hope, so long as we dream of anything to hope for. While, in my own mind, a hundred causes were assigned, and as many excuses made, for my late companion's neglect in not forwarding either the borrowed guinea or the promised addition, that companion never made or, at least, never communicated an excuse on the subject, although three times reminded of his debt and his promise. He was, however, at too great a distance to be personally reached. Not so the noble lord from whom I still expected an appointment, and I therefore resolved to make a second application to his lordship.

I called again on my lord —, but my lord — was not at home. When his giant footman opened the door, the butler, who happened to be in the hall at the time, politely informed me that his lordship would not return till late in the evening, but, he continued, "if you will step inside, I should myself like to have a few moments conversation with you, as I hear by your speech that you are a young countryman of mine." The invitation to step inside was at once accepted, although the appended intimation that a youth's speech disclosed the district of his nativity rather puzzled a young countryman who was not aware—what young countryman is?—of bearing any oral or local mark for recognition by strangers.

"I have often heard of your father, young gentleman," said the butler, after he had placed a chair for my use, and taken one for his own. "As he has been of more page 45service to Lord-than his lordship is ever likely to be to you, I thought I would just give you a hint, in order to save your time, and prevent disappointment."

"I am much obliged to you, sir," I replied, "but, as you are aware, his lordship has already shown me great kindness."

"His lordship is ever polite to all comers, but he has received you with greater hospitality than is usually accorded to applicants for situations. I therefore, as a friend, now that you have lost your father, tell you not to misconstrue his lordship's kindness by supposing he intends anything more."

"I thank you, sir,—yet I almost think, although his lordship didn't exactly promise me a situation, that—"

"He intended to give you one, eh? You are but young in politics, and will hardly comprehend me when I tell you that statesmen never positively promise or refuse anything to anybody."

"That's a strange sort of way," I said, and at that time I thought what I said. "By that way, it will be impossible for people to know what they mean."

"Just so. That is what they mean," said the butler.

"I don't precisely understand you, sir," I replied.

"Then you are just like those who have business with statesmen Can you understand anyone who never, directly, says yes or no? "

"No. I should only understand that as evasion."

"That word gives you the pith of the matter. Time is the only thing to tell others of a statesman's meaning. It is not unfrequently the only thing to tell him of his own meaning, for it often happens that he doesn't himself know what he means. Time will tell you all about your situation; but, in the mean time, you will find the word evasion playing the chief part in anything relating to the subject."

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"But his lordship said he would recommend me to the notice of his friend the Home Secretary."

"And thus evade the disagreeable yes or no, by transferring the enquirer to one who has no interest in the enquiry. The Home Secretary may do for you what he has done for hundreds of others—place your name on the list of candidates."

"If he does that may I not have a chance with others?" I enquired.

"Yes; the chance of remaining on the list till the Secretary, or his successor, takes you off again. Those on the list marked A. 1. are like the funds. They may fluctuate according to circumstances, but they bear interest, and the warrant-holders, our statesmen, are entitled to the dividends. But the unnumbered candidates are merely paltry figures, or sums standing without interest. Till the number ones are exhausted, there is no chance whatever for the others. Had your father lived, you would have been A. 1. and your chance of a situation would then have been a good one."

"But then I should not have needed a situation."

"Consequently, you would have had less difficulty in procuring one. Government situations are not generally given to those who stand most in need of them—not to those who want a living, but to those who have the means or interest to obtain it."

"If, sir, that is the usual way, I am afraid I haven't much chance."

"Come along, my young countryman," said the butler, after having vacated his seat and tapped me on the shoulder, "come and join me in a bit of lunch. We'll renew the subject over a sandwich and a glass of ale."

Hereupon, I followed the gentleman to another apart-page 47ment, and, at his request, and agreeably with, my own inclination, seated myself opposite a dish of sandwiches and a jug of ale.

"As I told you before," said the newly constituted host, on taking his seat at table, "you are only young in politics, and as they are not likely at present to be of any use to you, I advise you to seek employment elsewhere; for, after all, the sort of situations given to youths who are not backed by exalted birth or influence are only fit for those who are themselves fit for little else."

"But, I suppose, there are some young men of talent in government offices, are there not, sir?"

"Many—too many," said the host.

"Yet, a talented young man can generally get on there, can he not?"

"Get on?" exclaimed the facetious and seemingly happy host, with a loud laugh. "Talent in a government clerk becomes like the foot of a fair celestial, through being placed in a position where there is no room for its natural expansion. Did you ever hear of government subordinates becoming great and eminent men, like striplings who rise from the ranks in other professions? I have noticed, with regret, the monotonous occupation of several young fellows who unfortunately had just enough influence to get appointed to 'easy chairs,' as we call them. Each had talent that would have made way either in the commercial or professional world, but now it is of little or no use to its owner."

"Yet, sir, if either had shown a disposition to apply it——"

"Tut, tut," interposed the host, with a shake of the head, "when the annual limit of a lad's advancement may be found in ten pounds a year, with or without ability page 48on the part of the receiver, where is the advantage of having ability, or at least, of its application?"

"Then I am surprised that young men of talent don't try to advance themselves in some other way."

"True, my lad; but human nature is not usually active when activity is not positively required. A young man who can jog on through life, even in a donkey cart, on an even course, and at the public expense, doesn't generally try to ascend the hill of fortune, by the application of his own powers. Don't you pine for a government situation, if you can get any other. If you can't get another, why you may then call on, or write to Lord—, though your question will, most likely, only be attended by a notification founded on the official rule of evasion."

After again and again thanking his lordship's butler, and my own considerate host, for his great kindness and valuable advice, I left the nobleman's mansion to which an hour previously I had repaired for employment, with my revised opinion as to the real value of such employment lowered by, at least, fifty per cent. All I had before heard concerning the slow process of advancement in the civil departments of government was now confirmed by one whom I supposed to be something like an authority on the subject; and I therefore resolved not again to trouble Lord—, nor to solicit his aid in my behalf, if I could in any way aid myself. I also resolved not to accept any situation that might be offered by his lordship, without further solicitation on my part—if by a vigorous search through London, with its attendant toil, or even privation, I could only maintain an independent spirit, by procuring employment through my own exertion, unassisted and unfettered by that lordly patronage that is more readily given and obtained when not required than when needed.