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Heels 1978

The Night Alf's Imperial Army Was Out-Lunaticked

The Night Alf's Imperial Army Was Out-Lunaticked

(Just one of the many adventures of Medium Slow Group II)

Like waves upon a receptive shore, the seven silly shitheads got washed up into the receptive bosom of Flora, who welcomed them with open portals.

Night fell with a resounding thud and the departure of three NZFS woodmen, burdened down with the group's cutlery, a weka and a transistor blaring the Trots results.

Came six o'clock and the brew above the fire reeked evilly of curry, and worse! the chimney, struck by a projectile (a piece of wood), thrown by an indiscriminate "Drake" under the subversive employ of Alf's Imperial Army (who had put out a contract on our dinner) dropped shit into the fire.

Dinner was eaten; the result: open at both ends. After 84 Proof refresh, Phil the Viking raided next door (the hut of Alf's Imperial Idiots) and decided to rape the men.

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A musical interlude was provided with the singing of Christmas carols to the AIA (also known as Dad's Army).

War was declared on Dad's Army at 8pm NZST. Jock the possum climbed onto the roof, did twenty pushups, a blood-curdling haka and dropped a missile down their chimney, while fighting a solo rear guard action.

Terrorist tactics were employed, beginning with the preaching of the beliefs of Jehovah's witnesses, the selling of "Watchtower" and slandering of the Queen's sex habits, and finishing with a demonstration for abortion, a Man's Right (and also a Dog's Right).

The Vice Squad then prodeeded to raid the next hut (AIA's hut) for filth and apathy. A quick inspection under the mattress revealed... nothing!

The roar of the rusty bedsprings heralded bedtime and hitting of the pits.

Signed: the six silly shitheads of "Medium Slow Group II"; Jock Howie, George Symmes, Dean Golding, Phil O'Donell, Bill Frecklington, Dirk Catsburg and fearless leader Geoff Gilman.