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Features Of V.U.W.T.C. Tramper

Pykus lazii or, The common Pit Basher.

1. Hat: Keeps the brain ( usually rather small) from floating away. The hat is usually floppy but apart from this it is often of a different form on each individual.

2. Hair Zone: Fly trapping device. Also often used to store food in the form of cold pog and grease ( apparently picked up while feeding.)

3. Eyes: Usually wear an expression of extreme shock. Probably, this arises from the specimen being told to work, or perhaps tramp more than 200 yards.

4. Nose: Often small, to stop smell from dwelling (pit) and armpits, and to stop infiltration by cold pog.

6. Shirt: Worn to hide ribs and shrunken gut resulting from internal drag of cold pog consumed in moments of relaxation of teeth, or in temporary madness. It is always crumpled and stained, a result of lying in pit and fighting off cold pog and work.

7. Hands: Well withdrawn into shirt sleeves to avoid cold pog and work.

8. Shirt Sleeves: Often frayed from playing cards and fighting off cold pog (seldom from work).

9. Shirt Extension: Indicates amount of shrinkage of garment or the amount of growth of specimen. Also indicates internal line of last defence system against cold pog.

10. Single Hair: Missed by barstard grass.

11. Thighs: Well developed from wading through ambushes laid by cold pog.

12. Knees: Quiver at the mention of work or cold pog.

13. Calves: Well developed and knotty from running to bog at the last minute.

14. Puttees: Worn to hold up socks. These devices have been observed to be rather less effective than they are probably intended to be.

15. Ankles: Often exposed as the socks have either retreated into the boots (see (16)) or have rotted completely away.

l6. Boots Worn as little as possible so that the owner is not considered fit for work, eating cold pog, tramping, or any other such evil forms of torture.

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This species is easily confused with Trampus ruggedii when in motion. Beware of this as Trampus ruggedii is unpredictable and prone to violent fits of tramping, whence it gets its name.

The main enemy to Pykus lazii is work, this is closely followed by cold pog, and next is tramping which Pykus lazii treats as an evil necessity for getting just past road-ends.

J.S.