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Typo: A Monthly Newspaper and Literary Review, Volume 4
[miscellaneous paragraphs]
There is no more horrible fungus than the filthy oïdium, or vine mildew. Even rats will not touch grapes affected by it. An enterprising Napier man has found that « it does not injure the grape for wine-making! » « Last year, » says the local Telegraph, « he made ten gallons of wine of it, mildew and all. The wine has turned out, though a little sweet, really excellent »!! Did the editor actually taste it? This seems to be a case for the sanitary authorities.
A West Coast candidate, according to a contemporary, has received from the labor party, « promises of votive and pecuniary support. » —One of the partners in a car company, who is also a pillar of his church in an American city, has been greatly scandalised by an announcement in the press that he has patented a « new faro-box attachment. » His acquaintances chaff him cruelly, and profess to disbelieve his explanation that the stupid printer should have had it « fare-box. » —A travelling circus in Napier must have deeply impressed the printers' imps. The Herald, during its stay, announced, « A lady teacher is wanted for the Otago Girls' High Show. » —The Wellington Times has a reporter noted for the brilliancy of his metaphors, by which he is able to relieve even the prosaic dulness of a political meeting. Thus, for example: « Groans for D—were invited; but the candidate's supporters, profiting by experience, raised cheers, which wrapped the groans up in a heavy mantle of obscurity. » —According to the Otago Daily Times, Mr Capstick has been presented with « a handsome lady's travelling bag and cigarette case. » —A very good Irish bull was lately perpetrated by a Roman Catholic priest, in a sermon denouncing church fairs. « It may be true, » he said, « that they are semi-religious; but it is also true that they are wholly bad. » — « This is horrible! » was the head-line an editor in the States wrote for the account of a murder. The maker-up got it over a contribution by the local poet, who is particularly wild because some of his friends assert that the criticism is just.—An English student, being required in his French examination-paper to « give the gender of (among other compounds) tête-à-tête, with comments, » this was his answer: « Tête-à-tête is of common gender, because it usually takes place between a man and a woman. » — « For "other blackguards" works of imagination, read 'Rider Haggard's,' » is an erratum attributed to a Queensland paper. We are a little sceptical, however. It looks suspicious.—An English contemporary has picked up two good examples of mixed metaphor in the House of Commons. Mr Labouchere adorned one of his speeches with a reference to the bleating of a bruised worm, and Colonel Saunderson declared that Mr Dillon had « fired a barbed arrow at Colonel Caddell in order that some of the mud might stick. » Perhaps the most ill-used metaphoric beast is the British Lion, of whom an enthusiastic patriot in one of the Parliamentary Unions declared that « whether it is roaming the deserts of India or climbing the forests of Canada, will not draw in its horns nor retire into its shell. » —Comps ought to know the names of the appliances of their own trade; but even in these they make strange blunders at times. In the Auckland Star's account of the late demonstration, the Herald is said to have shown « the latest improvement in the shape of a treadle plaiting machine »!—A North Island paper apologises for putting an advertisement relating to the « solemn opening » of a church organ in the column devoted to musical entertainments. The maker-up may not have been very far wrong after all.