.jpg)
Typo: A Monthly Newspaper and Literary Review, Volume 2
[trade dispatches]
Some day we may find space for some account of the newly-invented « universal language, » Volapuk, which is taught in many schools on the European continent, and is said to be studied by about three hundred thousand people. According to the Buffalo Courier, the following is the recipe for its construction:—
Take a teaspoonful of English, a modicum of Dutch,
Of Italian just a trifle, and of Gaelic not too much,
Some Russian and Egyptian add then unto the whole,
With just enough to flavor of the lingo of the Pole,
Some Cingalese and Hottentot, a soupçon, too of French,
Of native Scandinavian a pretty thorough drench,
Hungarian and Syriac, a pinch of Japanese,
With just as much Ojibbeway and Turkish as you please.
Now stir it gently, boil it well, and if you've decent luck,
The ultimate residuum you'll find is Volapuk!
The Hastings Star, a well-conducted daily, ceased publication at the end of March. The Hastings folk were not loyal to their paper. It was independent enough to criticise some of the ambitious schemes of the Borough Council; and that body showed their sense of its conduct by sending not only their printing, but their advertising, out of the district—a clear breach of the spirit, if not of the letter, of the laws governing local bodies. The borough has since fallen into financial difficulties, property has depreciated, and things in general are not looking very bright. Now the local journal has succumbed, and Hastings will be represented in the press only by the « own correspondent. »
The Wellington Catholic Times writes of « the venom and mendacity of The Tablet, » the recognized organ in Great Britain of the Church of Rome!
The Government have granted free passes over the New Zealand railways for one month—to an English football team. This privilege, apparently, can be obtained by any one mean enough to apply for it.
Should the « Protection » party ever gain the upper hand, there would be an end to free speech in the colony. The latest and most glaring instance of manufacture of bogus public opinion comes from Dunedin. A public meeting was held, the Mayor in the chair, ostensibly « to consider the best method to be adopted to retain and employ our population. » The promoters brought forward the usual cut-and-dried string of resolutions recommending « a strong protective tariff. » Mr Scobie Mackenzie, m.h.r., a member who has made his mark in Parliament, moved an amendment deprecating increase of burdens in a time of depression. The Mayor refused to receive the amendment, and declared the resolutions unanimously carried.
In our February issue we had an item from an Australian contemporary, and last month we inserted a correction from the Hauraki Tribune, giving some interesting details about the Australian press. The Napier Telegraph characterizes part of the Tribune's paragraph « His successor was Mr Angus Mackay, now or lately editor of the Sydney Telegraph, ») as « a rare muddle. » It says: « Mr Angus Mackay, one of the proprietors of the Bendigo Advertiser, was the founder of the Sydney Telegraph, but never its editor: he died some years ago. There is a Mr Angus Mackay in Sydney who formerly edited the Queenslander, and afterwards was editor of the Sydney Town and Country, and is now a lecturer at the Technicological College, Sydney. The two Angus Mackays were no relations. »
Under the heading of « My Great Invention, » the New York World thus derides the long-talked-of « Keely Motor » :—
Oh, the funny man may giggle, but it's coming by-and-by—
The derided Keely Motor I am building on the sly;
Hitch a belt to this invention, and a power will then go forth
That will whirl the equinoxes and the axis of the earth;
It will wrench the solar system, twist the orbit of the sun—
Please invest a little money, for it isn't hardly done.
It needs another piston-rod, perhaps another screw—
But the Motor will be ready in about a week or two.It will wield a mighty power, which I cannot here rehearse,
But when it gets in action it will shake the universe—
A deep mysterious power that will reach forth wide and far,
And rattle through the galaxy and shake the polar star.
The distant Pleiades shall feel this Motor of renown,
And the Northern Handle Dipper shall turn over upside down!
But I need a little money, a few thousands—just a few—
And the Motor will be ready in about a week or two.
The Printers' Register gives the following striking instance of the effects of bad copy. In a leading article, an editor wrote: « Many wielders of the painters' brush would, no doubt, sigh for the ability to depict the scene. » The comp. translated it thus: « Many wretches of the foulest court would in double sign portability to defile the scum. » —The following advertisement appears in a Tauranga paper: « The person who left the umbrella belonging to a lady with a crooked handle in a boat, can have the same by calling at this office. » —The minute-book of a Taranaki local body contains the following item: « Resolved—That Mr ___ take the chair and act as such for the ensuing twelve months. » —Reporting the stranding of the ship Pleione, the Wellington Times says; » A scene of confusion followed, as might have been expected, but excellent order prevailed. » A Napier journal has worked off the following: « The shops closed at noon, and the majority wended their way towards Omahu to witness the native funeral. » —Lieut.-Col. Rookes, in an article in the Wanganui Herald, relieves himself of the following exquisite mixed metaphor:— « I don't think the Premier can bait his hook with anything that will catch such a wary fish as Sir Robert Stout, who evidently bides his time, and though not ' in the swim' at present, could saddle up in a moment, and lead past the post at distance length. » —A South Island editor mourns over the way in which « our streams are being deleted of trout. » —The curious slip of « the annual monthly meeting » has twice been made by Napier papers during the month.—The Napier News is our authority for the following lucid item: « The reported eruption at the Bay of Islands proves a complete mistake. The Bush fires ignited. An inflammable stratum impregnated with hydro-carbon and the chalky ash, gently ejected by the force of gas or steam deposits is extensive, and is said to be of great commercial value. » —The Napier Herald, describing the effect of Chinese lanterns, ventures the following novel simile: « The grand stand was made exceedingly pretty with pimples of glimmering color. »