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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 13, Issue 10 (January 2, 1939)

Scents and Sense

Scents and Sense.

You don't catch no animal fallin’ for false ideas that don't smell like something ‘e can eat. ‘Uman bein's die of indigestion of the brain through swallowin’ ideas that look right but don't smell right. They are the victims of complicashuns, self-inflicted.

An’ that's why I like runnin’ an animal shop where straight thinkin’ goes ‘and in ‘and with straight eatin', an’ nothin’ changes from day to day to confuse the mind an’ contaminate the emoshuns. Let the nuts outside talk of the ‘changin’ world.’ Me an’ my little varmints knows that the only change in the world is the exchange of old stoopidities for new.
“Charlie Chickweed is a philosopher.”

“Charlie Chickweed is a philosopher.”

Talk about the pershoot of wisdom an’ knowledge! Why, lorluv-yer! There's more simple wisdom in this ‘ere shop of mine than in all the seats of learnin’ that ever rubbed their trousers shiny wrigglin’ after knowledge.

Look at Jezebel, sir, sittin’ on ‘er perch as wise as Solomon's wife, an’ with not ‘alf her opportoonities. A parrot of discretion, sir, in spite of bein’ soiled by ‘uman contack through bein’ born in a bar an’ chewin’ the demoralisin’ ends of corks. ‘Er only ‘umanlike accomplishment is that she talks without knowin’ what she's sayin’ but, unlike ‘umans, she's saved from disaster by the fact that she don't believe a word of it. Just get a close-up of that eye, sir, but keep yer fleshy parts away from the Black Douglas. Magpies ‘ave a great sense of ‘umour. Many a gent the Black Douglas ‘as nipped in the bud, so to speak, when bendin’ to tickle the guinea pigs. Jest good clean fun, sir.