Under Sunny Skies.

A friend met a cheerful Irishman who had plainly suffered some hard knocks.

“Well, Pat, how are you getting along now?” he inquired.

“Oh, Oi'm still hard up, but Oi've a fine job in Honolulee, and fare paid. Oi sail to-morrow.”

“Sure, man, you'll never be able to work there. The temperature is a hundred in the shade.”

Pat had endured cheerfully too much to be discouraged.

“Well,” he replied hopefully, “Oi'll not be workin' in th' shade all th' toime.”

* * *

Should Walk Faster.

Ephraim: “Dat child o' yourn am mighty slow learnin' at school. How does yo' all account fo' dat?”

Ezekial: “Well, de school am two miles from heah, an' dat chile done fo'gits all de teachah tells him fo' he git half way home.”

* * *

Petunias.

Mrs. Newrich was fond of flowers and especially liked the salvia, but was not very reliable in getting the names right. She was giving directions to her gardener. “On this side of the walk,” she said. “I want you to put out some salivas. Now what would you suggest for the other side?”

“Well, madam,” answered the gardener solemnly, “maybe it would be a good idea to put some spitoonias there.”

* * *

The Faithful Servant.

Debt Collector: “Is your master at home?”

Servant: “No, he isn't.”

Debt Collector (suspiciously): “But I can see his hat hanging up in the hall!”

Servant: “Well, what's that got to do with it? One of my dresses is hanging on the line in the back garden, but I'm not there!”

Caution.

“You remember when you cured my rheumatism a year ago, don't you, doctor?” asked the patient, “and told me not to get myself wet?”

“Yes, Ephraim,” replied the doctor.

“Well, I just wanted to ask you if you think it's safe for me to take a bath now?”

“I couldn't find a parking place; so I've taken it to pieces.” (Reproduced by permission of “Punch.”)

The Film World.

She was an ardent film fan, and used to drive her long-suffering husband nearly frantic by insisting on reading out snippets from the papers about her favourite “stars.”

One day, after reading about six of these bits of information aloud, she went on: “I see here that there is a Hollywood film star who has never been divorced.”

“Really?” answered the bored husband. “Who is it—Shirley Temple?”

Misunderstood.

A Swede was touring America in a motor car. One day it broke down as he drove along a country road, and he found his tool box had been left behind, and he was badly in need of a monkey wrench to tighten some bolts. He saw a cabin down the road. In the yard was a stout coloured woman labouring over a steaming wash tub, and the yard was literally filled with laughing, tumbling, playing negro youngsters of all sizes and sexes. The Swede said to the coloured woman:

“Missus, Ay vant to know have you got har a monkey wranch?”

The coloured woman straightened up from her work, indignation showing plainly on her face.

“Go on along, white man,” she said, truculently, “You know mouty well dis ain't no monkey ranch. Dem is all mah own chilluns, dey is.”

* * *

Pat at the Wedding.

An Irishman obtained leave from work to attend a wedding. He returned with two black eyes.

The foreman asked him what had happened.

“When I got there,” replied Pat,” I saw a fellow all dressed up like a peacock. ‘An’ who are you?' says I. ‘I'm the best man,’ says he; an' begorra, he was, too!”

* * *

The Housing Problem.

“Well,” remarked a married man, after examining his friend's new flat. “I wish I could afford a place like this.”

“Yes,” said his friend, “you married men may have better halves, but we bachelors usually have better quarters.”

* * *

The Great Fight.

Second: “Go in and finish him this time.”

Fighter: “I can't see him.”

Second: “Then hit him from memory.”