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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 11, Issue 8 (November 2, 1936)

The Unco' Guid

The Unco' Guid.

But variety is the spice of marriage. For, to a woman of spirit, marriage is monotonous. She depends on her helpmeet for the simple domestic excitements and delightments which put the “ho” in home. The husband who oozes into her orbit each evening with the prosaic punctuality and cloying exactitude of a tide of treacle gives no scope for stimulating uncertainty. A man so consistently calm and somnolently serene is prone to make marriage feel like premature burial in blanc-mange. Such mousey men who never wake the welkin with their divine discontent or stir the stagnant juices of the body domestic into acrimonious activity are liable to find a letter on the mantelpiece, saying:

“Your cruelty is killing me. If only you had shuffled your feet or kicked the pom occasionally I could have borne it. Even if you had said that you dislike mother it might have started something to break the monotony. But day after day, year after year, you remained so good-tempered that I could have tipped hot mulligatawney over you; never an unkind word, never a growl about the holes in your socks! Why can't you be like Mr. Snag who bites the dog and snaps the handles off cups? There is never a dull moment in their house. How I envy Mrs. Snag! Farewell, until you can say ‘damn’ when you catch your thumb in the wringer.”

Truly, marriage is a great life if you don't weaken.

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