Seeing the Sights.

An American visitor was standing on the platform of a station when the “Flying Scotsman” rushed through. “Do you call that an express?” he asked a porter who was standing near by. “Bless your life, no!” exclaimed the porter, “that's Bill doin' a bit o' shunting; he'll be back in a minute.”

……….

The Air We Breathe.

Teacher: “Every day we breathe oxygen. What do we breathe at night Willie?”

Willie: “Nitrogen.”

…….

The Other Partner.

A weary knight of the road had stopped at the sign of the “George and Dragon” and had asked the landlady for a bite to eat and mayhaps an old pair of pants.

She (testily, etc.): “No, I haven't anything for the likes of you and I don't want to see you around here again. Well, be off with you! What do you want now?”

Tramp (meekly): “Well, then, Mam, could I speak to George?”

………….

The History Lesson.

Teacher: “Who can tell me what the former ruler of Russia was called?”

Class (in unison): “Tsar.”

Teacher: “Correct; and what was his wife called?”

Class: “Tsarina.”

Teacher: “What were the Tsar's children called?”

There was a pause, and then a timid voice in the rear piped up: “Tsardines!”

…..

Humour—Maybe.

“Mac, would you like a little of something Scotch—the real thing?”

“Well; now—I never—”

“Of course you will. Annie, just bring out that pot of Dundee marmalade.”

……….

The Tougher the Better.

Diner: “Do you serve crabs here?”

Waiter: “We serve anyone; sit down.”

He's So Bright, Too.

Visitor: “Your son is rather small for his age, isn't he?”

Proud Mother: “Oh, no; most boys of his age are overgrown, I think.”

………….

King's English.

Australian entering hospital:

“'Ullow, Bill.”

“'Ullow, Steve.”

“Come in to die?”

“No, yesterdy.”