Vivid at Least.

A young lady recently visited the locomotive works, and then later told some of her friends how a locomotive is made.

“You pour a lot of sand into a lot of boxes,” she explained, “and you throw old stove lids and things into a furnace, and then you empty the molten stream into a hole in the sand, and everybody yells and swears. Then you pour it out and let it cool and pound it, and then you put it in a thing that bores holes in it. Then you screw it together, and paint it, and put steam in it, and it goes splendidly; and they take it to a drafting-room and make a blue print of it. But one thing I forgot — they have to make a boiler. One man gets inside and one remains outside, and they pound frightfully; and then they tie it to the other thing, and you ought to see it go!”

* * *

Awkward.

Booking Clerk (at small village station): “You'll have to change twice before you get to York.”

Villager (unused to travelling): “Goodness me, and I've only brought the clothes I be standing up in.”

* * *

Problem in Division.

“Here is an apple, Willie. Divide it generously with your sister.”

“How shall I divide it generously, mamma?”

“Why, always give the larger part to the other person, my child.”

Willie reflected for a moment, then he handed the apple to his little sister, saying: “Here, Ethel, you divide it!”

* * *

Anatomy.

At a high school examination in England, the following definition was given of anatomy: “Anatomy is the human body, which consists of three parts—the head, the chist, and the stummick. The head contains the eyes and the brains, if any; the chist contains the lungs and a piece of liver; the stummick is devoted to the vowels, of which there are five—a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes w and y.”

* * *

A Bald Fact.

A fly was walking with her daughter over the head of a very bald man. She said: “How things change, my dear. When I was your age this was only a footpath.”

* * *

English Grammar.

Father (to boy of six, just home from school): “What lesson did you learn this morning?”

Boy: “Oh, grammar!”

Father: “What sort of grammar?”

Boy: “Well, Dad—cats and dogs are common hounds, but you and I are proper hounds.”

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