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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 7, Issue 4 (August 1, 1932)

Wit And Humour

page 64

Wit And Humour

A Tragic Misunderstanding!

An old lady visiting the pantomime had the misfortune to forget her spectacles.

A kindly man seated next to her noticed her plight, and handing her his binoculars remarked: “Will you share my glasses?”

The old lady took them, hid them furtively beneath a handkerchief in her lap. Later, she surreptitiously raised the binoculars to her lips.

“What a cruel trick to play on an old woman,” she said. “There isn't a drop left in either of them!”

* * *

The Parrot.

Jack Tar had just arrived at the old home cottage after voyaging about for a number of years. “Well, mother,” he said heartily, “how did you like the parrot I sent you?”

“Well,” said his old mother dubiously, “it was nice and plump, Jack, but, my! it weren't 'arf tough.”

* * *

Life's Inequalities.

He was a good-natured Irishman, and was one of a number of men employed in erecting a new building. The owner of the building said to him one day:—

“Pat, didn't you tell me that a brother of yours is a lawyer?”

“Yis, sor,” replied Pat.

“And you a hod carrier! The good things of life are not equally divided, are they?”

“No, sor,” said Pat. “Poor fellow! My brother couldn't do this to save his loife!”

Originality Triumphant.

Mistress: “This pie is absolutely burnt to a cinder, Jane; didn't you make it according to the instructions in the cookery book?”

Jane: “No, mum, it's me own cremation.”

* * *

The Independent!

As Mrs. Snobb had expressed a wish to see Parliament, the local member obtained a seat for her.

“I've got a seat for you in the gallery, Mrs. Snobb,” he told her.

She sniffed. “Indeed, if I can't get a seat in the stalls or dress circle I'd rather not go. Thanks, all the same.”

Pat's Retort.

Pat was a true son of Erin, always happy and ready for a joke. One day a farmer in passing him shouted good-humouredly, “Bad luck to you, Pat.”

“Good luck to ye, sir,” was the immediate response, “and may neither of us be roight.”

Force Of Habit. The railway shunter catches a tram.

Force Of Habit.
The railway shunter catches a tram.