Rail-wails.

Money is like knowledge insofar (and further) that too much is a dangerous thing. Too much knowledge leads to lecturing, writing for the papers, school-teaching, and kindred evils. In its most debauched stage it even develops into that head complaint known as the “Radio Rabies,” in which the victim suffers the delusion that people are listening to him while he builds broadcastles in the air. On the other hand, a little knowledge develops the imagination by encouraging the owner of the deficiency to make up what he doesn't know. Thus, knowing how little I know about railways and their contiguous aspirations, I feel a fit and improper person to divulge any lack of knowledge I am fortunate enough to possess, to any one foolish enough to listen. Most particularly do I address those young railwaders who are anxious to reach the top of the ladder without using the ladder.

Now, in the railway the main thing to remember is to remember. A good memory is better even than knowing the score at half-time of contemporary Rugby riots, or possessing the ultimate result of a Grand National before its inception. In fact, the young railweigher who can remember what time the 3.42 gets in

“A hot box.”

page 14 before it gets in, is a better boy than the boy who remembers what time it gets in after it has got out. Likewise, the guard who starts his train off without the engine and has to come back for it is rather a gourd than a guard. The engine-driver who forgets whether he is going or coming back is insufficiently conversant with his ironmongery. The wheel-tapper, or railway carillonist, who forgets his taps may as well join the plumbers' union at once. By the same token, the train-assembler who is a train-dissembler and forgets his “rake” may finish up with a pick. Not that these things have ever happened in the N.Z. Railways, but—well one has got to say something, even if it isn't.

As one who knows what he is talking about, except when he is talking about it, allow me to acerbate a few rules and tribulations for the guidance of those about to look back with satisfaction on their futures:—