Other formats

    TEI XML file   ePub eBook file  

Connect

    mail icontwitter iconBlogspot iconrss icon

The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 6, Issue 5 (November 2, 1931)

Wit and Humour

page 53

Wit and Humour

Editorial Sarcasm.

An editor received from a lady some verses daintily tied up with pink ribbon, and entitled: “I Wonder if He'll Miss Me?”

After reading them, he returned the effort to the sender with the following note: “Dear Madam,—If he does, he ought never to be trusted with firearms again.”

* * *

Irish Railway Humour.

Dublin Porter (announcing the departure of an express train): “This train shtops no where at all!”

* * *

Pussy's Outing.

“Sorry madam, you can't take the cat into the pictures. You must leave him with me.”

Lady (indignantly): “I shouldn't dream of it. Pussy particularly wants to see ‘Micky the Mouse.’”

* * *

True Service.
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead,
And now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread.

* * *

The Saving Clause.

“Yes,” said the commercial traveller, “we have had letters of appreciation from England, Wales and Ireland—and a postcard from Scotland.”

* * *

Large Teacher: “Can any boy tell me what a canary can do and I can't?”

Small Boy: “Please, Miss, have a bath in a saucer!”

How's That?

Esau Wood saw a saw saw wood as no other wood-saw Wood saw would saw wood. Indeed, of all the wood-saws Wood ever saw saw wood, Wood never saw a wood-saw that would saw wood as the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood would saw wood, and I never saw a wood-saw that would saw as the wood-saw Wood saw would saw, until I saw Esau Wood saw wood with the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood.

* * *

The teacher was examining the class in physiology.

“Mary, you tell us,” she asked; “what is the function of the stomach?”

“The function of the stomach,” the little girl answered, “is to hold up the petticoat.”

* * *

“Sam, Ah jes' seen a alligator eatin’ our younges’ chile.”

“Sho’, nuff? You know, Ah thought sump'n been gittin’ our chillun!”—Life.

“The Irish Express.” “Oi've often t'ought if there were no trains stopping as they rush through the stations, there'd be no stations, and then where would we go to catch the trains?”

“The Irish Express.”
“Oi've often t'ought if there were no trains stopping as they rush through the stations, there'd be no stations, and then where would we go to catch the trains?”