The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 6, Issue 5 (November 2, 1931)
Wit and Humour
Wit and Humour
Editorial Sarcasm.
An editor received from a lady some verses daintily tied up with pink ribbon, and entitled: “I Wonder if He'll Miss Me?”
After reading them, he returned the effort to the sender with the following note: “Dear Madam,—If he does, he ought never to be trusted with firearms again.”
* * *
Irish Railway Humour.
Dublin Porter (announcing the departure of an express train): “This train shtops no where at all!”
* * *
Pussy's Outing.
“Sorry madam, you can't take the cat into the pictures. You must leave him with me.”
Lady (indignantly): “I shouldn't dream of it. Pussy particularly wants to see ‘Micky the Mouse.’”
* * *
True Service.
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead,
And now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread.
* * *
The Saving Clause.
“Yes,” said the commercial traveller, “we have had letters of appreciation from England, Wales and Ireland—and a postcard from Scotland.”
* * *
Large Teacher: “Can any boy tell me what a canary can do and I can't?”
Small Boy: “Please, Miss, have a bath in a saucer!”
How's That?
Esau Wood saw a saw saw wood as no other wood-saw Wood saw would saw wood. Indeed, of all the wood-saws Wood ever saw saw wood, Wood never saw a wood-saw that would saw wood as the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood would saw wood, and I never saw a wood-saw that would saw as the wood-saw Wood saw would saw, until I saw Esau Wood saw wood with the wood-saw Wood saw saw wood.
* * *
The teacher was examining the class in physiology.
“Mary, you tell us,” she asked; “what is the function of the stomach?”
“The function of the stomach,” the little girl answered, “is to hold up the petticoat.”
* * *
“Sam, Ah jes' seen a alligator eatin’ our younges’ chile.”
“Sho’, nuff? You know, Ah thought sump'n been gittin’ our chillun!”—Life.