Other formats

    TEI XML file   ePub eBook file  

Connect

    mail icontwitter iconBlogspot iconrss icon

The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 5, Issue 9 (April 1, 1931)

Joke Wit And Humour

page 56

Joke Wit And Humour

A Gentleman.

“Yes, my dear,” said the old lady, “there's one thing I'm thankful for, and that is that my daughter married a gentleman.”

“And ‘ow do you know 'e was a gentleman?” said her friend.

“Because I put 'im to the test,” replied the old lady. “The first time my daughter brought 'im 'ome, I gave ‘im a cup of 'ot tea, and when ‘e poured it out into 'is saucer, 'e didn't blow on it like any ordinary fellow, 'e fanned it with 'is 'at.”

* * *

Domestic Humour.

“My husband never looked for work. He used to say it was a poor house that could only run one loafer.”—A witness in a New Zealand Police Court recently.

* * *

Sarcastic.

A man entered a chemist shop very hurriedly and asked for a dozen two-grain quinine tablets.

“Do you want them put in a box, sir?” asked the assistant, as he was counting them out.

“Oh, no, certainly not,” replied the customer. “I am going to roll them home.”

* * *

On Vacation.

Mrs. Brown: “Does your husband work, Mrs. Briggs?”

Mrs. Briggs: “Oh, yes. He sells toy balloons when there is a parade in town. What does your husband do?”

Mrs. Brown: “My husband sells smoked glasses when there is an eclipse of the sun.”

Ho! Hum!

But this month's prize goes to the Scotsman who sent the surgeon's bill to his father-in-law when he learned that his wife's tonsils really should have been taken out when she was a little girl.

* * *

Don't be a Banana!

Co-operate; remember the banana—every time it leaves the bunch it gets skinned.

* * *

Bringing Him T(w)o.

Chemist (to motorist who had been carried into his store after an accident): “Yes, sir; you had rather a bad smash, but I managed to bring you to.”

Motorist: “I don't remember. Do you mind bringing me two more?”

* * *

Sportsmanship.

The Girl: “The wind has blown my hat away and you are not trying to get it.”

The Sprinter: “Yes, I just want to give it 100 yards start.”

Cheated. Wife: “What's wrong with him now, Harold?” Harold: “Dunno, but he seems to think we've let him down again.”

Cheated.
Wife: “What's wrong with him now, Harold?” Harold: “Dunno, but he seems to think we've let him down again.”