A Scots Wager.

Two Scotsmen went fishing, with an understanding that the first one to catch a fish was to buy the “soda.” One got a bite that almost broke his line, but refused to pull up. The other was fishing without bait.

* * *

Whoa!

Motorist: “I wasn't doing forty, nor thirty; no, nor twenty miles an hour—“Constable: “Here, steady on, or you'll be backing into something!”

* * *

Cutting Out the Frills.

One of the section crew of a western railroad in U.S.A. chanced to pick up a dining car menu card, and, seeing at the top “Table d'hote,” turned to his pal and inquired:

“What does this ‘ere mean, Joe?”

“Well,” said Joe, “it's like this 'ere. Them swells in the diners have some soup, a bit of fish, a bit of this, a bit of that, and a bit of summat else, and call it ‘table dottie.’ We have ‘table dottie,’ only we mixes it all together and calls it stew.”

* * *

Even Break.

“I will dance on your grave when you die!” said the angry wife.

“Splendid!” said her aggravating husband. “I'm going to be buried at sea!”

* * *

Notice at a Scottish Golf Course.

“Members are requested to refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling.”

Oriental Humour.

Seeing that the Railway is a plaid out thing and every Little good to the Public as a carrying Concern, I am sure it would be better to scrap the whole turn out, sell the land to Chinan for a Market garden Let them have the Engines and trucks to cart their cabbage to Market with hoping this will meet your favour.

I am dear sir—–

Text of a letter received recently by the Suggestions and Inventions Committee of the New Zealand Railways Department from a Chinaman in the North Island.—Ed.

* * *

The Hopeful Angler.

“How many fish have you caught, Uncle?” asked an observer of an old man fishing on the bank of a stream. “Well, sir,” answered the angler thoughtfully, “if I catch this one I'm after, and two more, I'll have three.”

Caution.
“Does the express stop here?”
“Well, the timetable says it do, the stationmaster says it do, and the signals says it do, and if it don't it looks to me as if there'll be a norful row.”

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