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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 5, Issue 7 (December 1, 1930)

Wit and Humour

page 59

Wit and Humour

Among Irishmen.

Judge O'Flaherty: “Haven't you been here before me before?”

Casey: “No, y'r honour. Oi niver saw but wan face that looked loike yours an’ that was a photograph of an Irish king.”

Judge O'Flaherty: “Discharged. Call th’ nixt case.”

* * *


Football Freddie: “See that inside left? He'll be our best man before the season's much older.”

Tender Trixie: “Oh, darling! Isn't this rather sudden?”

* * *

A Popular Grandma.

Sarcastic Boss: “I notice there were 35,000 people present on the afternoon that your grandmother was buried.”

Office Boy (rising to the occasion): “I couldn't swear to that, sir, but grandma was always very popular!”

* * *


The teacher was testing the knowledge of the kindergarten class. Slapping, a shilling on the desk, she said sharply, “What is that?”

Instantly a voice from the back row said: “Tails!”

* * *


Well-meaning Stranger: “Perhaps I can help you—there are one or two things I can tell you about this make of car.”

Motorist: “Well, keep them to yourself. There are ladies present.”

* * *

All Wool and a Yard Wide?

She: “Don't you think sheep are the most stupid creatures living?”

He (absently): “Yes, my lamb.”

* * *

Other Times.

The old gentleman's wife was entering a railway carriage, and he neglected to assist her.

“You are not so gallant, John, as when I was a gal,” she exclaimed, in gentle rebuke.

“No,” was his ready response, “and you are not so buoyant as when I was a boy.”

* * *

Her Catch.

“Has you made all arrangements for your marriage, Mandy?”

“Well not quite all, Dinah. I's got to buy a trooso, an’ rent a house an’ get my husband a job, an’ get some regular washin’ work to do. An’ when them's done ah kin name the happy day.”

Mistaken Identity: “Oh, I say—are you Father Christmas?”

Mistaken Identity:
“Oh, I say—are you Father Christmas?”

page 60