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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 5, Issue 5 (September 1, 1930)

Wit And Humour

page 52

Wit And Humour

Regrettable Error.

“In your paper this morning you wrote of my speech at the public meeting last night as the ‘insane drivelings of a played-out politician.’”

“What! My dear sir, I am truly sorry if it appeared that way in our paper. The word I used was ‘inane.’”

* * *

Why the Tears Came.

An advocate, pleading on behalf of a child four years old, brought it before the Court, and in his peroration took it in his arms.

The child wept, and its tears, along with the advocate's eloquence, moved the jury.

The opposing advocate, disturbed to see the emotion, said to the child: “My dear, why are you crying?”

“He's pinching me,” replied the little one.

* * *

Ignorance was Bliss.

Uncle Henpeck: “You boys of to-day want too much money. Do you know what I was getting when I married your aunt?”

Nephew: “No and I'll bet you didn't either.”

* * *

Economical.

There is a story about a Scotsman whose daughter was being married and, as the bride and groom were about to leave the house, Sandy insisted that they should leave by the back door instead of the front.

“Whist, Sandy,” whispered his wife, “are ye clean daffy?”

“Hush, woman,” he replied, “if there should be any rice throwin', I thocht it would be verra verra nice for the chickens.”

When Winter Comes.

Biology Professor: “Where do all the bugs go in the winter?”

Absent-minded Student: “Search me!”

* * *

Schoolboy Howlers.

“A deacon is a mass of inflammable material placed in a prominent position to warn the people.”

“A bouquet is the man you give your money to when you want to bet at the races.”

“A brunette is a young bear.”

“Copra is a native policeman.”

“Magna Charta was signed at the bottom of the page.”

“People go about Venice in Gorgonzolas.”

“Doctors say that fatal diseases are the worst.”

“The Normans introduced the Frugal System.”

“A quack doctor is one who looks after ducks.”

“The elementary canal is the principal vein of the body.”

“An adage is a thing to keep cats in.”

“The Statue of Liberty is in the British Museum.” (Collected by H. Cecil Hunt.)

The Heart Bowed Down. “Oh dear, I believe I hear the train going.” “No Mum—that's only my ‘eart breaking.”

The Heart Bowed Down.
“Oh dear, I believe I hear the train going.”
“No Mum—that's only my ‘eart breaking.”