Aeroplanistic Velociprojection.

One of these Monday mornings the world will give us justification for feeling like the recoil of a spring onion, by suddenly rolling from north to south, and then man will have to velocitate on his elbow—which will put a kink in his high-tension hoppy-go-pop and aeroplanistic veloci-projection. It is true that many motorologists habitually recline on their rear collar studs, but to gyrate round the terrain on one's funny bone would be too much of a joke. Man expends much energy in drilling tunnels in the atmosphere for the purpose of connecting one “aerodrone” with another, but if he were fully cognisant of his “aeromatics,” he would follow the advice of the collier's daughter who entreated: “Don't go down the mine, daddy, let the mine come up to you.” In other words, he would simply soar above the sky so high like a duck egg in the sky and let the rest of the world go by, until the piece his mind was set on came into juxtaposition with his ambition, when he would merely dive down and capture it, thereby performing a globular circuit every twenty-four hours.

Man, dear reader, has reached the stage where he views life through a windscreen; the future is wrapped in gasolene, but through the mists of monoxide I see a bowserised biped boasting balloon lungs and an eye where his hat used to be, for the purpose of overhead observation. The infant of this benzinian period will be born with baby “balloons” on the hips in place of pedals, and will wear two-wheel brakes on his undercarriage. He will converse in a series of honks and hoots, and will breakfast at a bowser. Imagine the touching picture of the infant Ben Zino dashing to his mother's mudguard at forty miles to the gallon, and uttering little honks of baby glee:

Little Ben Zino come honk me your horn,

Your headlights are dim and your covers are worn,

I very much fear if your chassis gets weak,

You'll be under the scrap-pile all of a heap.

Thus the two thousand-and-thirty model mother will apply the maternal brake to her little one-seater, when he essays to break the by-laws.