An Irishman's Complaint.

An Irishman got off a train at a station for refreshments, but the train started before he had finished his sandwich. Running along the platform after the train, he shouted: “Hold on, there! Hold on! You've got a passenger aboard that's left behind!”

* * *

Baiting a Stationmaster.

“What time does the next train come in?” asked little Edward of the old stationmaster.

“Why, you little rascal, I've told you five times that it comes in at 4.44.”

“I know it,” replied Edward, but I like to see your whiskers wobble when you say ‘4.44.’”

* * *

Schoolboy Howlers.

All brutes are imperfect animals. Man alone is a perfect beast.

Herrings go about the sea in shawls.

There are many eligible fish in the Tasman Sea.

Some cows are very dangerous, especially the bull.

Lord Mayors of London are generally big business men, and they are invariably benighted.

Aden is a British coaling station at the bottom of the Red Sea.

Extempore is a disease in dogs.

Sapper is a substance which oozes from trees.

Give for any one year the number of bales of cotton exported from the United States. The applicant wrote: “1491. None.”

* * *

Solicitude.

“Where are you going, ’Arry?”

“To the doctor's. I don't like the look of my missus.”

“Blime! I'll come with you. I ’ate the very sight of mine.”

* * *

Games for Passengers.

Two men were seated in a railway carriage. As soon as the train started one got up and opened the window. After a few moments the other shut it. The first man rose and opened it once more. “What do you think you are playing at?” angrily demanded the man who had shut the window.

“Draughts,” said his companion sweetly; “your move.”

* * *

Thrift.

“Sandy, I dinna like the way ye drive so close to the car ahead. An’ it's night, too.”

“Whist ye, Woman. Dinna ye ken that I can turn off ma headlights that way an’ save the battery?”

* * *

Hard Times.

“Unlucky! Say, if I were starving to death and there was a shower of soup, I'd be standing there with a fork in my hand.”