Eats and Meats.

Have you ever awakened to the knowledge that life is a lemon and the world a doubleyolked mustard-plaster; when you feel that your emotions have turned grey in a night; when you resent the way the canary looks at you, and revile the dial which grimaces from your shaving glass with the malignity of a storm-tossed corn-plaster; when you swear that the goldfish and the white rabbits bare their teeth at you as you stagger out into the mustard—coloured world? Then, sad reader, you can take as read that you are seeing yellow.

This lack of luminosity in the lamps is the result either of your failure to follow the diatribes of the dietetists or your error in following too faithfully. For to every ten thousand who yelp “Eat Meat Neat,” there are another ten thousand who moan “Nuts for Nutrition.”

In addition, there exists a school of starvationists which insists that there is as much strength in an egg as in a pound of meat. True, dear reader, for many of us have met eggs which were stronger by far than a whole meat-works.