.jpg)
The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 4, Issue 10 (February 1, 1930)
Wit And Humour
Wit And Humour
Expert Handling.
The night was dark and the hour late as a solitary wayfarer passed along the deserted street. Was it deserted, though? No!—three slinking figures emerged from the shadows, marked their prey, and then attacked him.
Three to one is powerful odds, but the wayfarer held his own. One by one his assailants landed with a thud on the ground, battered and bruised, their clothing torn.
.jpg)
The Wail-Way And The Rail-Way.
Motor Cyclist: “What's the best way to Trentham Racecourse?“
Disgusted Motorist: “By rail—eh!”
A policeman hurried up and surveyed the wreckage.
“Fine work!” he said, addressing the hero, who was calmly lighting a cigarette. “Ju-jitsu?”
“No,” answered the other. “Railway porter.”
* * *
Charm of Silence.
Mr. Richman: “Do you like the place? Shall we buy it?”
His Wife: “Oh, it's perfectly lovely! The view from this balcony is so fine that it leaves me speechless.”
Mr. Richman: “Then we'll buy it.”
* * *
Vocational Selection.
Foreman: “Here now, Murphy, what about carrying some bricks?”
Murphy: “I ain't feelin’ well, guv'nor, I'm trembling all over.”
Foreman: “Well, then, lend a hand with the sieve.”
Schoolboy Howlers.
Sir William Scott wrote Ivanhoe and Emulsion.
Charles Ii. told the people they could get drunk or gamble, or do what they liked. This was called the Restoration.
The cold at the North Pole is so great that the towns there are not inhabited.
The Duke of Marlborough was a great general, who always commenced a battle determined to win or lose.
* * *
Tangled Times.
Passenger (to negro porter while on train for New York): “What time do we get to New York, Sam?”
Porter: “We is due to get there at 1.15; but if you has your watch set by Eastern time it would be 2.15, and, of co'se if you is goin' by daylight saving time it would be 3.15, unless we is an hour an’ fifty minutes late—which we is.“—Santa Fe Railway Magazine.
* * *
The latest definition of rigid economy.—A dead Scotsman.
* * *
Hoots Mon!
Another one is about the Scotsman who paid twenty shillings for a twenty-minute sightseeing trip in an aeroplane. While he was up there he tried to persuade the pilot to try for the endurance record.