Hori's Perplexity.

A Maori, watching the winding of the station clock, was told that it was an “eight-day clock.”

“What that?” says Hori.

“Oh.” says the stationmaster, “it goes eight days without winding.”

“Py gorry, that the fine clock, eh! Eight days without winding,” says Hori; “how long he go if you do wind him?”

* * *

Nothing Doing.

An advertising expert was advertised expert was advertised to deliver a lecture in Aberdeen on “How to Treat Your Customers.” Only two men attended — the chairman and the lecturer.

* * *

Whustle it Back.

Tammas was out walking with his dog, and in passing a butcher's shop, the dog helped itself to a sausage and ran fast for home. Out came the butcher, and, addressing Tammas, asked:

“Is that your dog?”

“It was my dog,” replied Tammas, “but it's daen for itsel’ noo.”

“Whustle it back, then,” retorted the butcher; “it's awa' wi' a sausage.”

“Whustle yer sausage back,” replied Tammas.

* * *

Running To Time.
“Do you think you can catch the train?'”
“Yes: since I bought this wrist-watch I find I can do it with ease.”

The Only Thing.

Young Housekeeper: “I want a piece of meat without any bone, fat, or gristle.”

Bewildered Butcher: “Madam, I think you'd better have an egg.”

* * *

When They Agreed.

Although John and his wife had been married forty years, it was said they had never been known to agree—except on one memorable occasion. John bought a car, and in due course learned to drive—in a way. When he took his wife for her first ride all went merrily until John attempted to turn a corner.

“John!” screamed his wife, grasping his arm. “You're going to hit that pole.”

“I know it,” said John.

And he did.

* * *

Perils of the Road.

“I never knew until I got a car,” said the bishop, “that profanity was so prevalent.”

“Do you hear much of it on the road?”

“Why,” replied the bishop, “nearly everybody I bump into swears dreadfully!”

* * *

Interested Heroism.

Because he had crawled out on thin ice and rescued a playmate who had broken through, little Willie was the centre of a group of admiring men and women.

“Tell us, my boy, how you were brave enough to risk your life to save your friend,” said one of the ladies.

“I had to,” was the breathless answer. “He had my skates on.”

* * *

An Endurable Situation.

Meek voice over the telephone—“Doctor, this is Mr. Henpeck. My wife has just dislocated her jaw. If you're out this way next week you might drop in and see her.”

* * *

A Delayed Suggestion.

A man could save himself a lot of trouble by marrying his second wife first.