.jpg)
The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 4, Issue 1 (May 1, 1929)
Wit and Humour
Wit and Humour
Luring the Traveller.
A Swiss hotel proprietor, in a notice advertising his wine, said: “The wine sold in this hotel is highly recommended. It leaves the traveller nothing to hope for.”
* * *
“English as she Spoke.”
A Hindu baker in Bombay who catered for the English community, advertised himself as “a first-class British loafer.”
* * *
The Verdict.
The foreman of a jury which had been considering its verdict, was asked if the jury were all agreed, and replied: “Yes, we are all of one mind, temporarily insane.”
* * *
A Bad Shot.
“Did the mothballs I sold you kill the moths?” asked the chemist. “No,” replied the customer, “I tried for five hours to hit 'em, and missed every one.”
* * *
Howlers.
Our school is ventilated by hot currants.
A refugee keeps order at a football match.
A glazier is a man who runs down mountains.
Every morning in summer the son came shinning in at my window.
Before starting for a picnic we cut some sam-wedges.
Nets are holes surrounded by pieces of string.
A pilot is a sea-robber who robs every ship he comes in contact with.
A grass widow is the wife of a dead vegetarian.
Psyche was a black boxer who fought Carpentier.
Petroleum is what you cover floors with.
A fort is a place to put men in, a fortress is a place to put women in.
Dust is mud with the juice squeezed out.
.jpg)
Signals and Signs
“Hey, you gentlemen will really have to converse elsewhere-you're playing the very deuce with the shunter's signals.”
* * *
Hints on Walking.
A country paper gives its readers this advice: “When a lady and a gentleman are walking on the footpath, the lady should walk inside the gentleman.”
* * *
A Complicated Command.
A foreman thus addressed one of his men who was about to descend from a scaffolding: “Hurry up and come down and take your time.”
* * *
Married.
“The man who gives in when he is wrong,” said the street orator, “is a wise man, but he who gives in when he is right is—”
“Married,” said a weak voice in the audience.
* * *
Unconscious Reform.
Vicar (to village reprobate).—“I am pleased, John, that you have turned over a new leaf. I was glad to see you at our temperance hall last night.”
John: “Is that where I was?”
page 58
.jpg)
.jpg)