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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 3, Issue 12 (April 1, 1929)

Wit and Humour

page 55

Wit and Humour

A Woman's Generosity.

A woman who had'nt time to get her ticket, asked a porter to get it for her. Just as the train was moving off, the porter ran along the platform. “Here's your ticket, ma'am,” he gasped. “It cost three and tuppence.”

“Here's three shillings, my good man,” said the flustered woman leaning out of the carriage window. “Keep the tuppence for yourself.”

Trials Of The Road. Dear Old Lady (victim of motor hold-up) : “What a lovely lot of hot water you've got. Would you shew me the tap so that I can fill my hot water bag.”

Trials Of The Road.
Dear Old Lady (victim of motor hold-up) : “What a lovely lot of hot water you've got. Would you shew me the tap so that I can fill my hot water bag.”

* * *

Mother (in train): “Tommy, if you are not a good boy I shall smack you.”

Tommy: “You slap me, and I'll tell the guard my real age.”

* * *

Traffic Control.

Robinson—“I met my wife in a very funny way—I ran over her in my car and later married he.”

Brown — “If everybody had to do that there wouldn't be so much reckless driving.”

* * *

Under Surveillance.

An old Scotch lady looked out of the carriage window as the train drew into the station, and, hailing a little boy, said: “Little boy, are you good?”

“Yes'm.”

“Parents living?”

“Yes'm.”

“Go to Sunday school?”

“Yes'm.”

“Then I think I can trust you. Run with this penny and get me a bun, and remember, God sees you!”

Stupid Things.

She: “Don't you think sheep are the most stupid creatures living?”

He (absently): “Yes, my lamb.”

* * *

A Tongue Twister.

Of all the felt I ever felt, I never felt a piece of felt that felt the same as that felt when first I felt the felt of that felt hat.

* * *

The Lure Of Gold.

Smith, who had gone to the shop that sold everything, happened to notice, while the assistant was serving him, a sovereign lying on the floor near his foot—a whole, round, golden sovereign!

Quivering with excitement and glancing cautiously around to see that no one was watching him, he dropped, quite accidentally, of course, one of his gloves on top of the coin. Then, bending, he proceeded to pick up his glove; but the sovereign did not accompany it. The elusive coin still remained where it was upon the floor. He made a second attempt to get hold of it, but with the same result.

Then, just as he was contemplating the wisdom of a third endeavour, a shopwalker came up to him and said:

“Good evening, sir! May I be allowed to show you a bottle of our famous liquid glue? No doubt, you are aware of its sticking powers”

Smith's reply is not recorded.

page 56