At the Booking Office.

Mrs. Seldomgoe (to booking clerk): “I wants a ticket to go down and come back that perspires in a month.”

* * *

Scientific Nomenclature.

A grammar school boy handed in the following composition on “cats.”

“Cats that's meant for little boys to maul and tease is called Maultese cats. Some cats is reckernized by how quiet their purrs is and these is named Purrsian cats. The cats what has very bad tempers is called Angorie cats, and cats with deep feelins is called Feline cats. I don't like cats.”

* * *

A Faulty Nut.

The part of a motor that causes more accidents than any other is the “nut” that holds the steering wheel.

* * *

“Tickets, Please!”

Brown and Smith, returning by train from a football match, managed to get into corner seats about two minutes before the train started.

Suddenly they discovered they were without tickets. The booking clerk being the other side of the station, Brown said to Smith: “Quick! Hurry and get our tickets.”

Smith dashed out of the compartment, but returned in less than a minute.

“My word, you have been quick!” exclaimed Brown.

“Yes,” replied Smith. “I went into the next compartment and shouted: ‘All tickets, please!’ and I've got a handful.”—From “Humour.”

* * *

Progressive.

“How do you find marriage?”

“During courtship I talked and she listened. After marriage she talked and I listened. Now we both talk and the neighbours listen.”

* * *

Our Impatient Age.

In the old days, if anybody missed a stage coach, he was contented to wait two or three days for the next. Now he lets out a squawk if he misses one section of a revolving door.

* * *

Perjury.

Pat was arrested for being intoxicated, and on being brought before the judge he was asked by the court what he was there for.

Pat: “Your honour, I was arrested for being intoxicated.”

Judge: “Pat, where did you buy the liquor?”

Pat: “Your honour, I did not buy it. A Scotchman gave it to me.”

Judge: “Thirty days for perjury.

* * *

A New Psalm.

Lives of great men all remind us,
As their pages o'er we turn;
That we're apt to leave behind us,
Letters that we ought to burn.

Another Case of the Obvious.
(From The New Zealand Artists Annual)
Something Turns Up at the Jewish Club