Chapter I.

Bill Buddle's sole education had been thrust upon him at a boxing school, and when he reached the intelligence front in the battle of life, he successfully encountered the situation by using his head instead of his hands.

In the inevitable conflict with his intellectual superiors, he simply sidestepped their wily mental moves by exploiting the psychological side of the subtle art of self-defence.

Whatever Bill could not understand, he explained fully. Whatever he fully explained, everybody accepted unconditionally.

Chapted II.

In the little village of Geegeeville, Bill was regarded as the Intelligentiary of the village. Not only by the gentry, but also by the gents, the gentlemen, and by the people generally.

Bill's bedside poet was Omar Khayyam, and what man, woman, or child in the village had not been cheered and inspired by Bill's favourite quotation:

“Some for a costly limousine will mourn; Some hope, a little coupe, to adorn;

Ah, take the train, and let the motor go,

Nor heed the honking of a distant horn.”

It was when the Geegeeville Debating Society got held up over a dispute as to the correct meaning of the word “railsitter” that Bill Buddle brilliantly demonstrated his right to retain the intelligential title.

Chapter III.

Mr. Hercules Hedger, chairman of the Geegeeville Debating Society, was commissioned to wait on Bill and take delivery of the decisive outburst of wisdom.

He met Bill at the local “smiddy,” and, with a bellows-like strength so characteristic of his kind, he looked Bill fair in the eye, and rasped out:

“Bill, what is a ‘railsitter’?”

“A polygamist,” replied Bill, “is a man who keeps on making the same mistake all his life. A ‘railsitter’ is a man who learns from other people's mistakes, and never makes the same mistake twice.”

This, of course, was purely a side-step on the part of Bill, who was sparring for time.

Had Mr. Hercules Hedger asked what a “railsplitter” was, Bill would certainly have had page 17 old Abe Lincoln on the tip of his tongue. Hedger, however, had asked what a “railsitter” was, so Bill continued:

“A ‘railsitter’ is a man whose motto is ‘Safety First.’ He pays for a seat in a railway train, knowing that he will have the privilege of sitting in that seat with the assurance that at no stage of the journey will he be dumped out of that seat into a lagoon, on to a gorse hedge, or over a barbed wire fence.”

Chapter IV.

On being made acquainted with Bill Buddle's ultra-modern definition of the word “railsitter,” some of the more hungry members of the Geegeeville Debating Society, showed a disposition to participate in a further helping of Bill's philological wisdom.

Mr. Hercules Hedger, the chairman, undertook to oblige, and on meeting Bill the following day, he said: “Bill, with further reference to the word ‘railsitter,’ it seems to be the general impression that the ‘railsitter’ is a man who sits on the fence.”

“No - no - no - NO!” shrieked Bill. “You're thinking of the motorscooter. He always sits on a fence—that is—'er—of course, if he happens to fall that way. If it is a protracted sitting, he usually passes the time blaming the roads and cursing the country, while the ‘railsitter’ squats in his comfortable cushioned seat enjoying the scenery.”

Moral: Go by train and get to where you're going.