Joke

Was it Strategy?

“Strategy,” declared Murphy, up for examination, “is when you don't let the enemy discover that you are out of ammunition, but keep on firing.”

* * *

Critical Youth,

“The story I heard about Miss B-i-n-k-s and the m-a-j-o-r is even more s-c-a-n-d-a-l-l-o-u-s,” said her husband, who spelled the words to keep little Johnny from understanding the gossip.

“There's only one “I” in scandalous,” replied Johnny nonchantly.

* * *

A Pacific Warrior.

“So you want to join the army — for how long?”

“Duration.”

“But there ain't any war on.”

“I know—I mean duration of peace.”

Judge: “You say the prisoner stole the horse from the paddock. Can you prove it?“
Witness: “Sure, yer honour, I held the moke while he mended the fence.”

* * *

Some Kings.

The class composition was on “Kings,” and this is what one boy wrote:

“The most powerful king on earth is Working; the laziest, Shir-king; one of the worst kings is Smo-king; the wittiest, Jo-king; the quietest, Thin-king; the thirstiest, Drin-king; the slyest, Win-king; and the noisiest, Talking.”

* * *

Retribution.

Robinson: “I met my wife in a very funny way—I ran over her in my car and later maried her.”

Brown: “If everybody had to do that there wouldn't be so much reckless driving.”

Love Alone.

“Have you ever loved before?”

“No, John; I have often admired men for their strength, courage, good looks, or intelligence, but with you, it is all love, nothing else.”

* * *

Nero and Zero.

“Who was this ‘ere Nero, Bill?” asked a coster of his friend as they gazed into the picture shop. “Wasn't ‘e a chap that was always cold?”

“No, that was Zero,” was the answer. “Another bloke altogether.”

* * *

Expert Knowledge Must be Paid For.

Magistrate: “This man's watch was fastened in his pocket by a safety-pin. How did you manage to get it?”

Prisoner: “Well, judge, I usually get two guineas fer six lessons.”

* * *

Hereditary.

“Late for reveille again I see, O'Malley,” snorted the irate captain. “How do you account for this persistent tardiness?”

“'Tis inherited, sir,” answered Private O'Malley. “Me father was the late Michael O'Malley.”

* * *

The Important Question.

A man went into Cohen's book store and asked: “Have you a copy of ‘Who's Who and What's What,’ by Jerome K. Jerome?”

Cohen replied: “No, sir, but I've got ‘Who's He and Vat's He Got.“'

* * *

“How may you avoid hitting your finger when driving a nail?”

“Hold the hammer with both hands.”