Preserving the Gestures.

An actor's curiosity was aroused recently by observing a man who was walking ahead of him stretching out his arm whenever he took a crossing or turned down the street. The actor ventured to stop him and inquire why he did this. The man made no secret of it.

“It's all I have left of my motor car,” he replied.

* * *

(Adapted from George Belcher.)
More Knowledge Needed.
Are you going on the week-end excursion to Waitomo? Not me! I believe in sticking to New Zealand.

Schoolboy “Howlers.”

“The Commonwealth came to an end because Cromwell said work was the finest blessing ever ordained for man.

He was a Puritan himself, but he gave toleration to Christians.

Unfortunately for England Cromwell died in 1658.”

* * *

A Thorough Optimist.

Bix: “What's your idea of an optimist!”

Dix: “A dead-broke individual ordering oysters with the hope that he can pay for his dinner with the pearl.”

* * *

Not What He Meant.

Extract from a letter of a clerk on holiday abroad to his employer: “Since I have been away I have seen many strange sights and hope to see you on Monday.”

* * *

He Couldn't Forget.

Young Zoologist (who has been asked to lecture over the wireless)—“And all the time, darling, though millions may be listening in, I shall be thinking of you alone.”

Darling—“And what's your lecture about, old thing!”

Young Zoologist—“Freaks of Nature.”

And Fear No Woman.

Say it with flowers

Say it with sweets

Say it with kisses

Say it with eats

Say it with jewellery

Say it with drink

But always be careful—
Don't say it with ink!

* * *

The 2.2.

There was a young lady of Crewe
Who wanted to catch the 2.2;
Said a porter, “Don't hurry

Or worry or flurry

It's a minute or 2 2 2 2.”

* * *

Child Welfare.

Insignificant Parent: “Isn't it time baby could say “Daddy'!”

Fond Mother: “We decided not to tell him who you are until he gets a bit stronger.”

* * *

He Expected Too Much.

He: “What! Another new dress! How on earth am I going to pay for it!

She: “That's your business. I didn't marry you to give you financial advice.”

* * *

Born Again.

Dealer (rushing into the newspaper office): “See here, you've published an announcement of my death by mistake. That's got to be fixed up somehow.”

Editor: “Well, we never contradict anything we have published, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll put you in the births column to-morrow and give you a fresh start.”