“English as She is Spoke.”

A speaker at a recent election meeting said: “Our opponents charge us with being incompetent. We may be. They claim to be efficient. Ladies and gentlemen, I affirm that all the efforts of their efficiency fade into utter insignificance when compared with the results of our incompetency!”

* * *

No Terminal Facilities.

It was said of a certain speaker that he had many virtues, but he had one great fault which spoiled him: He had no terminal facilities.

* * *

Speech by the New Mayor.

“I mean to follow in the footsteps of my successor, and to do all in my power for the detriment of my native town.”

* * *

Generally Speaking.

Generally speaking, women are generally speaking.

* * *

No Hope.

Candidate: “ …and I hope your husband will support me. Mrs. Miff?”

Mrs. Miff: “Support you? Why, 'e ain't supported me for over a year.”

* * *

An Excellent Aim.

A certain dear old lady always made it her business to visit the poor patients in the hospital.

(Adapted from George Belcher.)
Absent-minded Professor: “Wellington, Third Person, singular, please.”

On one occasion she approached a much-bandaged individual who was sitting up in bed, and after a little preliminary talk she said to him, very sympathetically:

“I suppose your wife must miss you a good deal.”

“No, mum,” came the prompt reply; “she's got a wonderful aim for a woman.”

* * *

Well Worth It.

The two lovers passed through the tunnel in a full compartment. No sound broke the silence to indicate the depth of their happiness, but as they emerged into the light they were flushed.

He: “I understand that this tunnel cost £1,000,000.”

She: “It was worth it all George.”

* * *

Was It Strategy?

“Strategy,” declared Murphy, up for examination, “is when you don't let the enemy discover that you are out of ammunition, but keep on flring.”

* * *

Learning by Wrecking.

“How long did it take you to learn to drive a motor-car?”

“Oh, three or four.”

“Weeks?”

[gap — reason: illegible]