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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 2, Issue 7 (November 1, 1927)

Wit and Humour

page 38

Wit and Humour


An English society journal reports that “The bride was charmingly though becomingly dressed.”

From a Michigan paper: “She was left a widow through the death of her husband.”

Personal in society column of an Iowa journal: “Mrs. Coulter, being confined to her bed, will not be at home this Thursday as usual.”

An Omaha paper remarks: “From evidence which they have gathered, the police believe the murder was the work of local talent.” An Atlanta paper informs us that “Mrs. Henn has laid a cement sidewalk on Savannah Avenue.

From the Evanston News: “The engagement of Miss Margaret Roesing, daughter of Mr. B. Roesing of this city, has been announced to Arthur Croxton.” Wonder how Arthur took it!

* * *

Backing the Iron Horse. Railway interest in “The Sport of Kings”

Backing the Iron Horse.
Railway interest in “The Sport of Kings”

The “Safety First” Instinct.

A hotel manager coming along the corridor saw the “boots” kneeling on the floor cleaning a pair of boots outside a bedroom door.

“Haven't I told you that you are not to clean boots in the corridor, but to take them down stairs?”

“Yes, sir,” replied the “boots.”

“Then why are you doing it?”

“Because the man in this room is a Scotsman, sir, and he's hanging on to the laces.”

* * *

Inside Knowledge.

Teacher (to geography class): “Can you tell what Isle is noted for its great internal improvements?”

Small boy (triumphantly): “Castor Isle.”

* * *


At a Christmas dinner in London a distinguished professor was called upon to speak. The host in introducing him said to the guests: “You have been giving your attention so far to a turkey stuffed with sage. You will now please give your attention to a sage stuffed with turkey.”

* * *

Schoolboy Humour.

R. S. V. P. means “Received same very prompt.”

Doldrums are a series of high rocks near the Equator.

An Indian reservation consists of a mile of land for every five square Indians.

* * *


Guest: “Waiter, did you say that this was genuine turtle soup!”

Waiter: Yes, sir. It is made out of the water of a pond here in which a turtle was kept last summer.”

* * *

Distinctly Practical.

In a first class carriage in Germany an Englishman was observed to put his head out of the window. The train was going fast and a sudden gust of wind blew off his hat. He at once took his hat-box and hurled it after the hat. Then he sat down and smiled on his fellow passengers. The Germans roared with laughter and said: “You don't expect your hat-box to bring back your hat, do you?” “I do,” said the Englishman. “No name on the hat. Full name and hotel address on the box. They'll be found together, and I shall get both. Do you see now.” Then those Germans subsided and said they always had considered the English a great and practical nation.

* * *

Fertile Soil.

It is said the soil of Arizona is so fertile that if you plant a tenpenny nail there, it will grow into a crowbar.