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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 2, Issue 5 (September 1, 1927)

Wit And Humour

page 46

Wit And Humour


It is the story of a resourceful young woman at a bazaar. Business was in full swing when a young man strolled around the various stalls, with no intention of purchasing anything. As he passed a large, beautifully decorated stall the young lady seller detained him.

“Won't you buy a cigarette holder, sir?” she asked.

“No thank you, I don't smoke,” was the curt reply.

The Master Plumber: “I've never see'd a bloke take so long over a job in all my life. That lad'll go far!”

The Master Plumber: “I've never see'd a bloke take so long over a job in all my life. That lad'll go far!”

“Or a pen wiper worked with my own hands?”

“I don't write.”

“Then do have this nice box of chocolates.”

“I don't eat sweets.”

The seller's patience was exhausted. “Sir,” she said grimly, “will you buy this box of soap?” The young man paid up.

Johnny Scores!

Little Johnny was partaking of his evening meal. “Will you have some more bread?” asked his nurse.

“No,” replied Johnny.

“No what?” promptly said the nurse.

“No fear,” Johnny replied.


A newly-rich man, who had bought a large house called in an expert to advise him regarding the furnishing of it. When they came to the library he said, “Those books look very shabby. If I were you, I should have them all rebound in Morocco.”

“No, sir” said the newly rich, “not in Morocco. If I have them rebound anywhere, I'll have them done in old England.”

Taking Precautions.

Small Girl, obliged to visit dentist during holidays in France: “Can he understand English, Mummy?”

Mother: “I don't think he can, dear.”

Small Girl, after a thoughtful pause:“Mummy, what's the French for ‘Ow!’?”

Perfectly Normal.

Girl (to phlegmatic lover): “You 'ave got a 'ard 'eart, George!”

George (a taxi-driver):

“No, I ain't, Maude. That's my number plate you've got your 'ead against!”

“Up at six o'clock, in bed at eleven at night. I wash, scrub, iron, and cook my husband's meals. The rest of the time is my own.”-Woman describing her “occupation” at Shoreditch County Court.

A Good Investment.

“What is the best way to make a Scotsman happy in his old age?”

“Tell him a joke when he's young.”

A Poser.

Traffic Inspector (to professor of mathematics):“So you saw the accident, sir? What was the number of the car that knocked this man down?”

Professor: “I'm afraid I've forgotten it. But I remember noticing that if it were multiplied by fifty, the cube root of the product would be equal to the sum of the digits reversed.”