Hail, Smiling Morn!

A good story of a Maori's first ride in a train was told at a meeting of returned soldiers. It happened at the Auckland end of the line, and the Maori entered the train with much trepidation, especially as the carriage was near the engine which was blowing off steam. He was not at all happy as the train accelerated speed, and as it dashed into a tunnel all sorts of weird mutterings were heard proceedings from the corner where he sat. Just as suddenly the train dashed once more into daylight evidently to the great astonishment of the Maori, who looked round with an amazed expression on his face and remarked, “Py gorry, to-morrow!”

* * *

The Retort Courteous!

Irate passenger: How long is this train going to be this morning?

Guard: Four carriages and a brake van.

* * *

Two boys, invited by an austere aunt to spend a holiday with her agreed to toss for who should go. Dick arrived at the farm and was asked by his relative how he and not Tom had come. He explained that the matter had been settled by the expedient of tossing. “And you won?” inquired his aunt. “No,” replied the boy, “I lost.”

* * *

From the “Morning Post.” Concluding sentence from a North London Schoolboy's essay on the Duke of Wellington: “And when the Duke died he had a lovely funeral, and it took eight men to carry the beer.”

A Strange Horse.

A business man who had been out with some friends had a rather hectic evening. The next morning his wife asked him who “Juliet” was as he had been talking of her in his sleep. He said that “Juliet” was a horse he had backed. Coming home the same evening he asked his wife how she had spent the day. She said she had been out to lunch with a friend, and paid a visit to another, “and at four o'clock your horse rang up!”

* * *

Once a year the newsboys of a certain district of London are taken for an outing up the Thames by a gentleman of the neighbourhood when they can bathe to their hearts' content.

As one little boy was getting into the water a friend observed, “I say Bill, ain't yer dirty!”

“Yes,” replied Bill, “I missed the train larst year.”

* * *

Two Irishmen were having a discussion one day about the dangers of the present age. “Yes,” said one, “these are dangerous times we live in, with all this machinery, but I'd rather be in a collision than an explosion. In a collision, where the devil are ye?”

* * *

Old Sea Dog (to gentleman viewing wreck): “Yes sir, that's the Mary Hann what was bound for Dundee wiv corfee.” Old gentleman (hard of hearing): “Dear me! Coffins?” Old Sea Dog: “Corfins? Nah? Corfee what you make tea orf!”

page 48

The above statement is compiled from the weekly traffic returns, which are found most useful when forecasting the approximate revenue for the period, and tracing the weekly fluctuations in traffic.

In surveying the above figures it must be borne in mind that Easter Monday 1926, was 5th April, and in 1925 the 13th April, so that the current year's passenger figures would be slightly affected on account of a portion of the advanced bookings being included in March period. However, the large decrease in the number of passengers carried in the North Island, viz.: 373,398 is due almost entirely to motor bus competition in the suburban areas of Auckland, Wellington and Napier, while the increase in the South Island is mainly accounted for by the Exhibition traffic. This winter's influenza epidemic has also affected passenger traffic, especially in the South Island.

Livestock shows a substantial increase due to the late season, and to the fact that sheep have been moved owing to shortage of feed in Wellington and Hawke's Bay districts.

Timber has dropped over 27,000 tons—almost every district showing a decrease. This is mainly attributable to heavy importations of timbers including poles for Power Boards last year and also to unfavourable weather conditions interfering with loading operations, particularly in Ohakune district.

Under the heading “Other Goods” there is shown an increase of 83,000 tons, principally due to general buoyancy and an increased output of coal from the mines at Westport and Greymouth, more orders being received and shipping space being plentiful.

Turning to the revenue, the increase in passenger receipts is due to more long distance bookings this year—mainly issues to Exhibition visitors. The decrease in parcels revenue is explained by the fact that horses and motors are now booked through the goods.

The new tariff is responsible for the increase in goods revenue.

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